I realized that I'm not that perfect.
And even the most fundamental thing I can't handle or maintain.
I'm relying on others.
I'm stupid, because I don't know this all along.
I'm wondering, how can I be smarter? In terms of charisma and knowledge.
I'm wondering, why I must be smarter?
And the purpose is the most fundamental thing for all these to happen.
That is: Why I'm asking this question.
Because I'm not perfect.
So I tried my best to maintain my confidence.
Or maybe the word normalize my behaviour is the best term to describe here.
Normalize my behaviour towards maintaining friendship,
normalize my attitude towards talking and judging...
whether which one can be trusted.
Maybe I've talking too much sometimes about others people,
and I'm wondering,
what is the perpose I'm doing this.
That's the time I realize that all these are wrong.
I'm the one who are responsible for myself.
I'm the one who make the decision.
And I'm the one who decide whether the decision is correct or not.
Therefore I must 100%ly confirm that every move I made is perfect, and flawless.
Never make the mistake again!
And also,
this world rely on maintaining the 'waveform' and 'eternity',
you just can't put all your efford in the beginning,
and end it without anything,
there will have no end,
if you are playing the chess,
the most professional move is to maintaining,
maintaining every pieces on the board so that everyone remains.
And I must maintain to the time where it shall stop.
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Monday, November 21, 2005
MonoNoctorus Theory #2: Once there was a light...
It's nice to look at you at far distance,
though you might not notice.
It's nice to speak with you,
though sometimes mostly we speak of work rather than personal things.
It's nice I'm watching you change in this period of time,
though I'm not involved in it.
I know you are the best and I just can't compare you to me,
I didn't dare to look at you, when you're watching me,
I'm afraid to speak to you, and my heart is beating fast when I did that,
I was scared, you'll be lost in my sight, having me alone in this darkness,
And I'm alone again, though I seemed to be always alone in this darkness.
You know, 1 is the loneliest number, yet it's full with passion.
The passion guide him forward to the front line of everybody else,
But sometimes the so called 'love' make him blind,
in this period of time, in this moment.
Yet he's waiting... for the utmost important thing, the identity.
To make him a perfect man.
Or maybe... this world is always not perfect...
yea... always...
that's why I turn my love into hate,
turn my hate into ignorance and furiousity,
but please forgive me,
for what I've done,
to you... ... ...
though you might not notice.
It's nice to speak with you,
though sometimes mostly we speak of work rather than personal things.
It's nice I'm watching you change in this period of time,
though I'm not involved in it.
I know you are the best and I just can't compare you to me,
I didn't dare to look at you, when you're watching me,
I'm afraid to speak to you, and my heart is beating fast when I did that,
I was scared, you'll be lost in my sight, having me alone in this darkness,
And I'm alone again, though I seemed to be always alone in this darkness.
You know, 1 is the loneliest number, yet it's full with passion.
The passion guide him forward to the front line of everybody else,
But sometimes the so called 'love' make him blind,
in this period of time, in this moment.
Yet he's waiting... for the utmost important thing, the identity.
To make him a perfect man.
Or maybe... this world is always not perfect...
yea... always...
that's why I turn my love into hate,
turn my hate into ignorance and furiousity,
but please forgive me,
for what I've done,
to you... ... ...
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
MonoNoctorus Theory #1: Advancement and Change, Balancing and Normalizing.
[Projects:]
Starman_Tribal_2001 [Completed]
ReplicatorMagic_2002 [Completed]
Orev_Iagon_Magic_2003 [Completed]
LiviaTenda_DeepHeart_2004 [Completed]
MonoNoctorus_2005 [In progress]
ExperiorNoctorus_2006 [Started]
Favilin_Densetsu_2007 [Unknown]
Hybrid_DeForm_2008 [Unknown]
[Untitled, Again:]
::The story begins with [Starman_Tribal_2001]::
I think I'm weird, thus make myself weirder.
I'm weak in express myself, I learn it from other people. I'm a mere replicator, pretender.
::The story continues with [ReplicatorMagic_2002]::
Everytime I just told myself to upgrade, in way of different than others, thus more faster, and I guess I might get crazy one day.
Sometimes I'm thinking whether is this the best way of my life, is that I'll get the best outcome of my efford I put in, or all of these works is just a piece of rubbish.
::Slight changes started with [Orev_Iagon_Magic_2003]::
I'm timid, I'll save myself first than other peoples. I'm a demon. I'm not myself, anymore.
I don't know how to act, don't really pro in lying(but sometimes I did), but everytime people just don't believes.
I have no sense of humour, but I'm a sensitive person, I can observe and make analysis if you give me time, while not making any movement or changes to my observe/analysis, or maybe I'll just get far away from the bad one. I just like to think using my brain when I'm free. I guess I just like to be alone, most of the time.
::Turning point of my life, the realization with [LiviaTenda_DeepHeart_2004]::
So basically I'm nothing, no personality and no sense of hunmour, I'm merely a blank container.
::After realization, continued to huge changes [MonoNoctorus_2005]::
I guess if I continue to behave like this I'll get nothing in the end.
I wanted to change, I wanted to advance, my heart told me.
Everytime I copied others personality, I replicate them. Thus combine into 'me'.
I do modification to my personality according to any changes depends on my experience I got from the things I've done.
I've learnt the effect of tipping the balance of something, and try to see through one thing in different angles.
I try to differentiate which thing is bad and which thing is good, but I realize there is no total good and total bad in this world, everything is just behave according to its needs, and with your efford changing them might get both good and bad outcomes.
[::Theories I made from Projects::]
Observation_Analysis_Judgement system
First Advancement Theory
Second Advancement Theory
Double Advancement Theory
Multiple Advancement Theory
Normalizing/Balancing System
ReplicatorMagic+Experience=Outcome Decision Making
Dream/Final Achievement Making
[::Future resolution::]
ExperiorNoctorus_2006 [Started]
Favilin_Densetsu_2007 [Unknown]
Hybrid_DeForm_2008 [Unknown]
I sound like robot, huh? ^_^ Next time will be another great change of me... ^_^
Towards the dream of eternity,
Towards the world we've never venture before,
Towards a better life for you, and me.
Starman_Tribal_2001 [Completed]
ReplicatorMagic_2002 [Completed]
Orev_Iagon_Magic_2003 [Completed]
LiviaTenda_DeepHeart_2004 [Completed]
MonoNoctorus_2005 [In progress]
ExperiorNoctorus_2006 [Started]
Favilin_Densetsu_2007 [Unknown]
Hybrid_DeForm_2008 [Unknown]
[Untitled, Again:]
::The story begins with [Starman_Tribal_2001]::
I think I'm weird, thus make myself weirder.
I'm weak in express myself, I learn it from other people. I'm a mere replicator, pretender.
::The story continues with [ReplicatorMagic_2002]::
Everytime I just told myself to upgrade, in way of different than others, thus more faster, and I guess I might get crazy one day.
Sometimes I'm thinking whether is this the best way of my life, is that I'll get the best outcome of my efford I put in, or all of these works is just a piece of rubbish.
::Slight changes started with [Orev_Iagon_Magic_2003]::
I'm timid, I'll save myself first than other peoples. I'm a demon. I'm not myself, anymore.
I don't know how to act, don't really pro in lying(but sometimes I did), but everytime people just don't believes.
I have no sense of humour, but I'm a sensitive person, I can observe and make analysis if you give me time, while not making any movement or changes to my observe/analysis, or maybe I'll just get far away from the bad one. I just like to think using my brain when I'm free. I guess I just like to be alone, most of the time.
::Turning point of my life, the realization with [LiviaTenda_DeepHeart_2004]::
So basically I'm nothing, no personality and no sense of hunmour, I'm merely a blank container.
::After realization, continued to huge changes [MonoNoctorus_2005]::
I guess if I continue to behave like this I'll get nothing in the end.
I wanted to change, I wanted to advance, my heart told me.
Everytime I copied others personality, I replicate them. Thus combine into 'me'.
I do modification to my personality according to any changes depends on my experience I got from the things I've done.
I've learnt the effect of tipping the balance of something, and try to see through one thing in different angles.
I try to differentiate which thing is bad and which thing is good, but I realize there is no total good and total bad in this world, everything is just behave according to its needs, and with your efford changing them might get both good and bad outcomes.
[::Theories I made from Projects::]
Observation_Analysis_Judgement system
First Advancement Theory
Second Advancement Theory
Double Advancement Theory
Multiple Advancement Theory
Normalizing/Balancing System
ReplicatorMagic+Experience=Outcome Decision Making
Dream/Final Achievement Making
[::Future resolution::]
ExperiorNoctorus_2006 [Started]
Favilin_Densetsu_2007 [Unknown]
Hybrid_DeForm_2008 [Unknown]
I sound like robot, huh? ^_^ Next time will be another great change of me... ^_^
Towards the dream of eternity,
Towards the world we've never venture before,
Towards a better life for you, and me.
Thursday, November 3, 2005
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
My untitled thoughts, continued... 6th ~ Entitled: Promise
I promised myself that I'll change in these 3 years, and I did changed, I guessed. But it's true that, everyone did change too. But in my belief, to change is to take action, to take action you must have a target to achieve, a dream to chase, and a promise to yourself.
I always ask myself: What are you going to do in the next step... What is the thing/s you wanted to change... and so on. But mostly all the time, the so called... dreams, target was always overwhelmed by 'lazyness' and 'lacking in confidence'. But luckily, I still have some instinct when the 'deadline' coming and I'll automatically force myself to continue the things I need to do.
But compares to other people, I guess I'm a bit faster in changing, physically, mentally and also attitude towards everything. But there is still something bad about me, that's the bad ego, guess I'm care too much about my face, I thought I'm greater, I'm better. That's the side effect for my change. And I've to change my 'holier-than-thou' attitude.
Currently I'm still researching whether the decision I made is correct or appropriate or not. Though it's true that every action has no complete true or false. I must make the best decision that'll make the best outcome. That's the reason of me joining Quan Wu also, that's to overcome the great pressure, to organising things better and to learn social communication. Am I still lacking in these? lol... guess I'm not satisfied with my current state, I'm always not satisfied. Arghh... life s*cks.
My dream last time: It's night with stars above me, and I'm inside a transparent house on a huge field of grasses with winds blowing towards me and holding hands, back against back with you.
This time's dream: It's 6:30 in the morning, I'm inside a bus, alone. The bus is moving, slowly and I'm watching the cloud, city and also the sun rise. Some townspeople are busing with their early shores, while I'm sitting there, watching them.
So, what's next? =.=" Another change to myself?
I always ask myself: What are you going to do in the next step... What is the thing/s you wanted to change... and so on. But mostly all the time, the so called... dreams, target was always overwhelmed by 'lazyness' and 'lacking in confidence'. But luckily, I still have some instinct when the 'deadline' coming and I'll automatically force myself to continue the things I need to do.
But compares to other people, I guess I'm a bit faster in changing, physically, mentally and also attitude towards everything. But there is still something bad about me, that's the bad ego, guess I'm care too much about my face, I thought I'm greater, I'm better. That's the side effect for my change. And I've to change my 'holier-than-thou' attitude.
Currently I'm still researching whether the decision I made is correct or appropriate or not. Though it's true that every action has no complete true or false. I must make the best decision that'll make the best outcome. That's the reason of me joining Quan Wu also, that's to overcome the great pressure, to organising things better and to learn social communication. Am I still lacking in these? lol... guess I'm not satisfied with my current state, I'm always not satisfied. Arghh... life s*cks.
My dream last time: It's night with stars above me, and I'm inside a transparent house on a huge field of grasses with winds blowing towards me and holding hands, back against back with you.
This time's dream: It's 6:30 in the morning, I'm inside a bus, alone. The bus is moving, slowly and I'm watching the cloud, city and also the sun rise. Some townspeople are busing with their early shores, while I'm sitting there, watching them.
So, what's next? =.=" Another change to myself?
Sunday, October 16, 2005
My untitled thoughts, continued... 5th ~ Untitled
Finally, the semester break has started, and I started to wonder: what's next? What is the next destination I'm going to?
Recently I realize that you can't achieve everything just because of your hardwork. It's so unreal, untouchable, and imaginary. You cannot grab hold of it, even though you've try hard to, or it's like you've cried and cried but no one will help you in the middle of this 'darkness'. Maybe it's true, maybe it's false (but for me, it's always false), you cannot distinguish it just because of your opinion, there is no total true and total false in all of your action. So I'm now in agony, mentally, because I can't make a step or action that's totally correct or true. I don't even know what is true. I'm confused.
And next, I knew my behaviour, the more i like a thing, the more I'll resist, and deny. Thus I can't make up my personality normally, I merely replicates others. (refer to post: My untitled thoughts, continued3 ~ Neverending dreams...)
And everytime, I wish there is light to guide me, to put an end to all of this 'suffering', to decide which is true and which is false but in the end, it turned out to be 'I'm the only one who can responsible for me and my actions'. Thus I hate everything, and the things that I can never reached. And I deny all of these things.
I deny, because I don't know you.
I deny, because I am scared.
I resist, because you'll harm me.
I resist, because I'm confused.
Unless, I can see into you more clearly.
Recently I realize that you can't achieve everything just because of your hardwork. It's so unreal, untouchable, and imaginary. You cannot grab hold of it, even though you've try hard to, or it's like you've cried and cried but no one will help you in the middle of this 'darkness'. Maybe it's true, maybe it's false (but for me, it's always false), you cannot distinguish it just because of your opinion, there is no total true and total false in all of your action. So I'm now in agony, mentally, because I can't make a step or action that's totally correct or true. I don't even know what is true. I'm confused.
And next, I knew my behaviour, the more i like a thing, the more I'll resist, and deny. Thus I can't make up my personality normally, I merely replicates others. (refer to post: My untitled thoughts, continued3 ~ Neverending dreams...)
And everytime, I wish there is light to guide me, to put an end to all of this 'suffering', to decide which is true and which is false but in the end, it turned out to be 'I'm the only one who can responsible for me and my actions'. Thus I hate everything, and the things that I can never reached. And I deny all of these things.
I deny, because I don't know you.
I deny, because I am scared.
I resist, because you'll harm me.
I resist, because I'm confused.
Unless, I can see into you more clearly.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Week 8 of the semester
I feel that it's time for me to do some improvement to myself. Sometimes what people said or what you hear may discourage your passion to improvement; sometimes your eyes or ears are meant to deceive you. So sometimes I made changes very fast whenever someone says something about me. But still, I need time to learn, and to distinguish the true evil which disguished themselves as good people and those people who're really my friends.
Next week I'll be having 3 exams, while I am not concern about them. Am I getting lazy or what? Plus the Quan Wu work is getting packed with activities, scared I can't manage to overcome them especially I've to guide my group, giving them opportunity to express their talent, and cooperate and communicate with them. Because this is my first time being an OC and division leader.
People said everytime we talk to people we should look into their eyes to show sincerity and honesty. But it seem like I like to move my eyes to other side when talking, is it show that I'm not honest enough?
Arghh... have to continue my journey of overcoming the stress in this reality... of true world...
Next week I'll be having 3 exams, while I am not concern about them. Am I getting lazy or what? Plus the Quan Wu work is getting packed with activities, scared I can't manage to overcome them especially I've to guide my group, giving them opportunity to express their talent, and cooperate and communicate with them. Because this is my first time being an OC and division leader.
People said everytime we talk to people we should look into their eyes to show sincerity and honesty. But it seem like I like to move my eyes to other side when talking, is it show that I'm not honest enough?
Arghh... have to continue my journey of overcoming the stress in this reality... of true world...
Thursday, August 4, 2005
Loss in heart...
I feel my heart is broken, again, after the trip. I scare I can't really affort to sustain this bleeding anymore, I scare I'll hurt myself more if I continue like this. This, has been the third time I'm having this feeling, of loss and anxiety. Word can't describe my feeling now, I'm just in terribly hurt and pain. Wonder anyone with this feeling can go through it. It's like I really can't express it out because there are certain things can't be said. And something is better left unsaid.
Yesterday I feel I need a break and called my parents to go for some shopping, yea, crazy shopping because I wanted to forgot this all. I wanted to end this sad feeling. I bought the six installation of the Harry Potter, some books, bought T-shirt and Jeans in Shinjuku and other stuff. It was a really crazy shopping, before my leaving tomorrow, back to Melacca.. Yea, now I'm treating Melacca as my home now, now really get used to it now.
Hope tomorrow will be better.
Hope everything will have a solution
Hope the one will get a better life.
Hope this is not the end...
Yesterday I feel I need a break and called my parents to go for some shopping, yea, crazy shopping because I wanted to forgot this all. I wanted to end this sad feeling. I bought the six installation of the Harry Potter, some books, bought T-shirt and Jeans in Shinjuku and other stuff. It was a really crazy shopping, before my leaving tomorrow, back to Melacca.. Yea, now I'm treating Melacca as my home now, now really get used to it now.
Hope tomorrow will be better.
Hope everything will have a solution
Hope the one will get a better life.
Hope this is not the end...
Monday, July 4, 2005
My untitled thoughts, continued4 ~ Thank you...
I can't remember the first time I met you, it's just that I didn't notice about you in the starting point. It was all very blur at that time until I can't really recognise anything about it.
But now, you've deeply affected me. Because of your kindness, and your cheerful attitude. I wanted to say, you brighten up my life.
And also because of your thinking, you've help me cleared all those impure thoughts, make all those sinful thoughts disappeared, and I feel refreshed now, because of your pure, lawful and yet innocent mind.
I'm actually making everything complicated myself, and my mind became darker before you arrived. But you're like the angel that create light pierce through my obscure mind, creating reflection through every angle of my mind.
But happy times goes very fast, until I lost track of you, and yet you've left a cut in my heart. I keep on bleeding because the nicer you treat me, the larger the cut has become.
I just can't explain these feelings.
You've deeply touched me throughout the time, and I just can't say anything for your leaving.
Thank you, for being my friend...
Thank you, for all the things you've done...
Thank you, for teaching me the things you believed...
Thank you, for changing me.
But now, you've deeply affected me. Because of your kindness, and your cheerful attitude. I wanted to say, you brighten up my life.
And also because of your thinking, you've help me cleared all those impure thoughts, make all those sinful thoughts disappeared, and I feel refreshed now, because of your pure, lawful and yet innocent mind.
I'm actually making everything complicated myself, and my mind became darker before you arrived. But you're like the angel that create light pierce through my obscure mind, creating reflection through every angle of my mind.
But happy times goes very fast, until I lost track of you, and yet you've left a cut in my heart. I keep on bleeding because the nicer you treat me, the larger the cut has become.
I just can't explain these feelings.
You've deeply touched me throughout the time, and I just can't say anything for your leaving.
Thank you, for being my friend...
Thank you, for all the things you've done...
Thank you, for teaching me the things you believed...
Thank you, for changing me.
Sunday, July 3, 2005
My untitled thoughts, continued3 ~ Neverending dreams...
Warning: text below contains influenceable elements. Read at your own risk.
I have to admit, I am not a perfect person, even though I wanted myself to be one.
I am very sad, because certain things cannot be changed, even though how much efford I put in.
I used to think that I am a demon that trapped inside this body which is not belongs to mine, and I always think that I'm a defective child of my parents... I can't get use to be... me.
I own a unique thinking that my personality is merely a replication of others behaviour, others experiences and reactions. I myself, however, do not have one. Even my thinking is made up of imitation of others. Because I envy those I imitated, I wanted to be them, I wanted their experience, I wished that their personality is mine, I wanted to snatch from them.
Am I selfish?
Or it is just that I'm nothing from the start?
I don't want to end my life like this, and I have to admit, this life isn't perfect. however, I tried very much to achieve a flawless and beautiful life.
I think perfection is perfect, but, it is always engulved by imperfections, and impurities. Thus it is always, not perfect in the end.
Sometimes I wanted to love, but there isn't any chance, for any reaction to your care and anxiousness. While I keep nothing happened, but actually I do care.
Sometimes I wanted other people to know my feeling, but I can't, because they don't understand me, and I don't know how to tell them.
Isn't that seemed stupid?
I think so...
Am I stillbe me? forever?
Am I timid or selfish? when facing sudden obstacles? Or I'm just protecting myself?
Am I have the chance to choose?
To choose whether my life is perfect or not?
To choose whether I'll not sad anymore.
To choose whether I'll not care for these all, and I'll be happy always.
I hated myself that I know all these truth, and understand them are just make my headache worse, while I keep pretending nothing happened.
Or it's true that I'm just pretender? Imitating others behaviour set, copying others experience? Am I look stupid when I tried to look cool? While I actually don't understand any thing, while I still pretend to?
I always had nostalgic dreams, when I saw the familiar images in those dreams, exploring its strangeness and anxiety, and I felt very sad after that. But then I continue to be like I'm happy.
My thinking become complicated, because I know these all, and tried to understand them maked them more complicated to comprehend. I wish I had a simpler mind and thinking, and without thinking these all, EVER.
This is my world, I really can't comment anything about them, because, I can't change them. But I keep on continue my neverending dreams, day by day, perhaps, I'll get a more understandable reasons, for my question marks in my head.
Maybe, this world is just like this...
Maybe, there will be a second chance, and second miracle...
for these neverending story, and dreams...
Thursday, June 30, 2005
My untitled thoughts: You're my sky.
My-HiME / Mai-HiME Ending Theme
君が空だった
美郷あき
迷わないでと言えなかった
届かない想いもある
淋しすぎる笑顔がゆれて
傷をなぞった Lonely good-bye
情熱さえ痛むよ
永遠のかけら追いかけて
君が空だった 夢だった
燃えて熔ける日々を…
忘れない思い出にして
その胸を飾ればいい
Search for my life またいつか会えるね
透明な瞳を愛してたよ
今はそれぞれの道 進む“RESTARTING”
分かり合えずに 奥に眠る
君の弱さや辛さへ触れてしまった
愚かなほど好きだったのに Time is over
抱きしめてよ
心が消えてしまいそうで怖くて
しがみついた夜に星だけが
私達を見てた…
時の中 運命（さだめ）に巻かれ
舞う羽が願う明日へ
Wishin' for my love 美しく飛ぶから
そっと微笑んでキスをして
どこに消えてゆくの？ 優しい声
見上げれば 君が空だった
舞う羽が夢だったよ
Wishin' for my love 美しく飛ぶから
駆け抜けた蒼の時代を
忘れない思い出にして
その胸を飾ればいい
Search for my life またいつか会えるね
透明な瞳を愛してたよ
今はそれぞれの道 進む“RESTARTING”
Kimi ga Sora datta
Misato Aki
mayowanaide to ienakatta
todokanai omoi mo aru
samishisugiru egao ga yurete
kizu wo nazotta Lonely good-bye
jounetsu sae itamu yo
eien no no kakera oikakete
kimi ga sora datta, yume datta
moete tokeru hibi wo...
wasurenai omoide ni shite
sono mune wo kazareba ii
Search for my life, mata itsuka aeru ne
toumei na me wo aishiteta yo
ima wa sorezore no michi, susumu "RESTARTING"
wakariaezu ni, oku ni nemuru
kimi no yowasa ya tsurasa e fureteshimatta
oroka na hodo suki datta noni Time is over
dakishimete yo
kokoro ga kiete shimaisou de kowakute
shigamitsuita yoru ni hoshi dake ga
watashitachi wo miteta...
toki no naka, sadame ni makare
mau hane ga negau asu e
Wishin' for my love, utsukushiku tobu kara
sotto hohoende KISS wo shite
doko ni kieteyuku no? yasashii koe
miagereba, kimi ga sora datta
mau hane ga yume datta yo
Wishin' for my love, utsushiku tobu kara
kakenuketa ao no jidai wo
wasurenai omoide ni shite
sono mune wo kazareba ii
Search for my life, mata itsuka aeru ne
toumei na hitomi wo aishiteta yo
ima wa sorezore no michi, susumu "RESTARTING"
You were my sky
Misato Aki
I couldn't say, "Don't lose your way."
And there are feelings that couldn't reach you.
Shake off that all too lonely smile,
And to that wound-like loneliness, good-bye.
Even passion hurts.
Chasing after the fragments of eternity,
You were my sky, you were my dream.
Turn the days thawed by passion...
Into unforgettable memories,
And adorn them on your chest.
Search for my life, we will meet again someday.
I loved your clear eyes.
Now we are on different paths, making our way to "RESTARTING"
We slept without understanding each other.
I felt your weakness and your pain.
Though I loved you without a thought, Time is over.
Hold me close.
I feel my heart disappearing and I'm afraid.
In the clinging night, the stars
Were all we saw.
In the midst of time, we were entwined by destiny.
The dancing feathers are heading towards our desired tomorrow.
Wishin' for my love, I will fly beautifully.
Give me a gentle smile and kiss me.
Where are you going? That gentle voice of yours.
When I looked up, you were my sky.
The dancing feathers were a dream.
Wishin' for my love, I will fly beautifully.
Turn the sky blue times we passed by,
Into unforgettable memories,
And adorn them on your chest.
Search for my life, we will meet again someday.
I loved your clear eyes.
Now we are on different paths, making our way to "RESTARTING"
君が空だった
美郷あき
迷わないでと言えなかった
届かない想いもある
淋しすぎる笑顔がゆれて
傷をなぞった Lonely good-bye
情熱さえ痛むよ
永遠のかけら追いかけて
君が空だった 夢だった
燃えて熔ける日々を…
忘れない思い出にして
その胸を飾ればいい
Search for my life またいつか会えるね
透明な瞳を愛してたよ
今はそれぞれの道 進む“RESTARTING”
分かり合えずに 奥に眠る
君の弱さや辛さへ触れてしまった
愚かなほど好きだったのに Time is over
抱きしめてよ
心が消えてしまいそうで怖くて
しがみついた夜に星だけが
私達を見てた…
時の中 運命（さだめ）に巻かれ
舞う羽が願う明日へ
Wishin' for my love 美しく飛ぶから
そっと微笑んでキスをして
どこに消えてゆくの？ 優しい声
見上げれば 君が空だった
舞う羽が夢だったよ
Wishin' for my love 美しく飛ぶから
駆け抜けた蒼の時代を
忘れない思い出にして
その胸を飾ればいい
Search for my life またいつか会えるね
透明な瞳を愛してたよ
今はそれぞれの道 進む“RESTARTING”
Kimi ga Sora datta
Misato Aki
mayowanaide to ienakatta
todokanai omoi mo aru
samishisugiru egao ga yurete
kizu wo nazotta Lonely good-bye
jounetsu sae itamu yo
eien no no kakera oikakete
kimi ga sora datta, yume datta
moete tokeru hibi wo...
wasurenai omoide ni shite
sono mune wo kazareba ii
Search for my life, mata itsuka aeru ne
toumei na me wo aishiteta yo
ima wa sorezore no michi, susumu "RESTARTING"
wakariaezu ni, oku ni nemuru
kimi no yowasa ya tsurasa e fureteshimatta
oroka na hodo suki datta noni Time is over
dakishimete yo
kokoro ga kiete shimaisou de kowakute
shigamitsuita yoru ni hoshi dake ga
watashitachi wo miteta...
toki no naka, sadame ni makare
mau hane ga negau asu e
Wishin' for my love, utsukushiku tobu kara
sotto hohoende KISS wo shite
doko ni kieteyuku no? yasashii koe
miagereba, kimi ga sora datta
mau hane ga yume datta yo
Wishin' for my love, utsushiku tobu kara
kakenuketa ao no jidai wo
wasurenai omoide ni shite
sono mune wo kazareba ii
Search for my life, mata itsuka aeru ne
toumei na hitomi wo aishiteta yo
ima wa sorezore no michi, susumu "RESTARTING"
You were my sky
Misato Aki
I couldn't say, "Don't lose your way."
And there are feelings that couldn't reach you.
Shake off that all too lonely smile,
And to that wound-like loneliness, good-bye.
Even passion hurts.
Chasing after the fragments of eternity,
You were my sky, you were my dream.
Turn the days thawed by passion...
Into unforgettable memories,
And adorn them on your chest.
Search for my life, we will meet again someday.
I loved your clear eyes.
Now we are on different paths, making our way to "RESTARTING"
We slept without understanding each other.
I felt your weakness and your pain.
Though I loved you without a thought, Time is over.
Hold me close.
I feel my heart disappearing and I'm afraid.
In the clinging night, the stars
Were all we saw.
In the midst of time, we were entwined by destiny.
The dancing feathers are heading towards our desired tomorrow.
Wishin' for my love, I will fly beautifully.
Give me a gentle smile and kiss me.
Where are you going? That gentle voice of yours.
When I looked up, you were my sky.
The dancing feathers were a dream.
Wishin' for my love, I will fly beautifully.
Turn the sky blue times we passed by,
Into unforgettable memories,
And adorn them on your chest.
Search for my life, we will meet again someday.
I loved your clear eyes.
Now we are on different paths, making our way to "RESTARTING"
Thursday, June 23, 2005
My untitled thoughts: Loop
Wondering why there's no feedback for the care and love I shared,
Wondering why I can't get people to know my feeling, as well my tears,
Wondering why the days are just neverending loops,
Wondering why I'm a fool that can't even speak my thought and love to you,
Wondering why you let me met you in this world,
Just wondering...
Tsubasa Chronicle Ending Theme
------------------------------
「ループ」
vocal: 坂本真綾
lyrics: h's
music & arrangement: h-wonder
recorded & mixed: 中原正幸
at victor studio, studio BLAN
co-ordinated by 佐藤宏次 (scoop music)
ねえ この街が夕闇に染まるときは
世界のどこかで朝日がさす
君の手の中 その花が枯れるときは
小さな種を落とすだろう
踏み固められた土を道だと呼ぶのならば
目を閉じることでも愛かなあ？
この星が平らなら二人出逢えてなかった
お互いを遠ざけるように走っていた
スピードを緩めずに 今はどんなに離れても
廻る奇跡の途中にまた向かい合うのだろう
ねえ この街の夕闇が去り行く時に
この涙 連れてって
語りかけてくる文字を小説と呼ぶのなら
届かない言葉は夢かなあ？
澱みなく流れてく河に浮かべた木の葉で
海の目指して雲になって雨で降ろう
遠い君の近く落ちた種を育てよう
違う場所で君が気付いてくれるといいんだけど
この星が絶え間なく回り続けているから
小さく開けた窓の外 景色を変え
私の愛した花 そっと芽生える季節で
廻る奇跡のその果て また向かい合うのだろう
向かい合うのだろう
くるるまわるくるくると
くるくるきみのまわりを
Loop
vocal: Maaya Sakamoto
lyrics: h's
music & arrangement: h-wonder
recorded & mixed: Masayuki Nakahara
at victor studio, studio BLAN
co-ordinated by Kouji Satou (scoop music)
nee kono machi ga yuuyami ni somaru toki wa
sekai no dokoka de asahi ga sasu
kimi no te no naka sono hana ga kareru toki wa
chiisana tane wo otosu darou
fumikatamerareta tsuchi wo michi dato yobu no naraba
me wo tojiru koto demo ai kanaa?
kono hoshi ga taira nara futari deaetenakatta
otagai wo toozakeru youni hashitteita
SPEED wo yurumezuni ima wa donna ni hanaretemo
meguru kiseki no tochuu ni mata mukaiau no darou
nee kono machi no yuuyami ga sariiku toki ni
kono namida tsuretette
katarikaketekuru moji wo shousetsu to yobu no nara
todokanai kotoba wa yume kanaa?
yodomi naku nagareteku kawa ni ukabeta konoha de
umi no mezashite kumo ni natte ame de furou
tooi kimi no chikaku ochita tane wo sodateyou
chigau basho de kimi ga kidzuite kureru to iin dakedo
kono hoshi ga taemanaku mawaritsudzuketeiru kara
chiisaku aketa mado no soto keshiki wo kae
watashi no ai shita hana sotto mebaeru keshiki de
meguru kiseki no sono hate mata mukaiau no darou
mukaiau no darou
kururu mawaru kurukuru to
kurukuru kimi no mawari wo
Loop
vocal: Maaya Sakamoto
lyrics: h's
music & arrangement: h-wonder
recorded & mixed: Masayuki Nakahara
at victor studio, studio BLAN
co-ordinated by Kouji Satou (scoop music)
Hey, while this town is covered by twilight,
The morning sun is shining down somewhere else in this world.
As that flower withers away in your hand,
A little seed probably falls into the ground somewhere.
If the trodden soil is called a path,
Then is shutting my eyes love?
If our star was flat, the two of us wouldn't have met.
We were running without slowing down,
As if from each other. No matter how far apart we are now,
We will surely face each other again in this revolving miracle.
Hey, when the twilight passes from this town,
Take my tears away too.
If a story of words is called a novel,
Then are these words that can't reach you my dream?
Carried by fallen leaves floating in the river that flows without faltering,
Became clouds with the sea and fell with the rain,
I will raise this seed that fell near the distant you.
If only you would notice me from your distant location.
Because our star revolves without stopping,
The scenery outside the tiny opened window changes,
And the flower I loved, we will surely face each other again,
In this revolving miracle, in this sprouting season,
We will surely face each other again.
Round and round I go,
Round and round around you.
Wondering why I can't get people to know my feeling, as well my tears,
Wondering why the days are just neverending loops,
Wondering why I'm a fool that can't even speak my thought and love to you,
Wondering why you let me met you in this world,
Just wondering...
Tsubasa Chronicle Ending Theme
------------------------------
「ループ」
vocal: 坂本真綾
lyrics: h's
music & arrangement: h-wonder
recorded & mixed: 中原正幸
at victor studio, studio BLAN
co-ordinated by 佐藤宏次 (scoop music)
ねえ この街が夕闇に染まるときは
世界のどこかで朝日がさす
君の手の中 その花が枯れるときは
小さな種を落とすだろう
踏み固められた土を道だと呼ぶのならば
目を閉じることでも愛かなあ？
この星が平らなら二人出逢えてなかった
お互いを遠ざけるように走っていた
スピードを緩めずに 今はどんなに離れても
廻る奇跡の途中にまた向かい合うのだろう
ねえ この街の夕闇が去り行く時に
この涙 連れてって
語りかけてくる文字を小説と呼ぶのなら
届かない言葉は夢かなあ？
澱みなく流れてく河に浮かべた木の葉で
海の目指して雲になって雨で降ろう
遠い君の近く落ちた種を育てよう
違う場所で君が気付いてくれるといいんだけど
この星が絶え間なく回り続けているから
小さく開けた窓の外 景色を変え
私の愛した花 そっと芽生える季節で
廻る奇跡のその果て また向かい合うのだろう
向かい合うのだろう
くるるまわるくるくると
くるくるきみのまわりを
Loop
vocal: Maaya Sakamoto
lyrics: h's
music & arrangement: h-wonder
recorded & mixed: Masayuki Nakahara
at victor studio, studio BLAN
co-ordinated by Kouji Satou (scoop music)
nee kono machi ga yuuyami ni somaru toki wa
sekai no dokoka de asahi ga sasu
kimi no te no naka sono hana ga kareru toki wa
chiisana tane wo otosu darou
fumikatamerareta tsuchi wo michi dato yobu no naraba
me wo tojiru koto demo ai kanaa?
kono hoshi ga taira nara futari deaetenakatta
otagai wo toozakeru youni hashitteita
SPEED wo yurumezuni ima wa donna ni hanaretemo
meguru kiseki no tochuu ni mata mukaiau no darou
nee kono machi no yuuyami ga sariiku toki ni
kono namida tsuretette
katarikaketekuru moji wo shousetsu to yobu no nara
todokanai kotoba wa yume kanaa?
yodomi naku nagareteku kawa ni ukabeta konoha de
umi no mezashite kumo ni natte ame de furou
tooi kimi no chikaku ochita tane wo sodateyou
chigau basho de kimi ga kidzuite kureru to iin dakedo
kono hoshi ga taemanaku mawaritsudzuketeiru kara
chiisaku aketa mado no soto keshiki wo kae
watashi no ai shita hana sotto mebaeru keshiki de
meguru kiseki no sono hate mata mukaiau no darou
mukaiau no darou
kururu mawaru kurukuru to
kurukuru kimi no mawari wo
Loop
vocal: Maaya Sakamoto
lyrics: h's
music & arrangement: h-wonder
recorded & mixed: Masayuki Nakahara
at victor studio, studio BLAN
co-ordinated by Kouji Satou (scoop music)
Hey, while this town is covered by twilight,
The morning sun is shining down somewhere else in this world.
As that flower withers away in your hand,
A little seed probably falls into the ground somewhere.
If the trodden soil is called a path,
Then is shutting my eyes love?
If our star was flat, the two of us wouldn't have met.
We were running without slowing down,
As if from each other. No matter how far apart we are now,
We will surely face each other again in this revolving miracle.
Hey, when the twilight passes from this town,
Take my tears away too.
If a story of words is called a novel,
Then are these words that can't reach you my dream?
Carried by fallen leaves floating in the river that flows without faltering,
Became clouds with the sea and fell with the rain,
I will raise this seed that fell near the distant you.
If only you would notice me from your distant location.
Because our star revolves without stopping,
The scenery outside the tiny opened window changes,
And the flower I loved, we will surely face each other again,
In this revolving miracle, in this sprouting season,
We will surely face each other again.
Round and round I go,
Round and round around you.
Saturday, June 18, 2005
Friday, June 17, 2005
Liar.
Liar
作詞: 浜崎あゆみ 作曲: Raita Ikemoto
あまりに非生産な日々を過ごして
こっけいな感覚だけに陶酔する
初めてのキスとか色んな記念日とか
独占欲にぬれてみたり
あの時の私に出来た事って言えば
そうして精一杯愛に背を向ける事
知るには早すぎたのかも知れない
幸福の後にある恐るべき反動
普遍的なものが一番なんて幻想
単純すぎて浅はかななだけ
最後に見送った背中が私を占める
一体どのくらい経てば解放されるの
「君に愛される程胸が苦しいの
ねぇ私は君の事もう・・・」
あの時の私に出来た事って言えば
そうして精一杯愛に背を向ける事
最後に見送った背中が私を占める
一体どのくらい経てば解放されるの
Liar - Ayumi
amari ni hiseisan na hibi wo sugoshite
kokkei na kankaku dake ni tousui suru
hajimete no KISU toka iron na kinenbi toka
dokusen yoku ni mamirete mitari
(*) ano toki no watashi ni dekita koto tte ieba
sou shite seiippai ai ni se wo mukeru koto
shiru ni wa hayasugita no kamo shirenai
koufuku no ato ni aru osoru beki handou
fuhenteki na mono ga ichiban nante gensou
tanjun sugite asahaka na dake
(**) saigo ni miokutta senaka ga watashi wo shimeru
ittai dono kurai tateba kaihou sareru no
"kimi ni ai sareru hodo mune ga kurushii no
nee watashi wa kimi no koto wo mou..."
(*) repeat
(**) repeat
Spending my days too unproductively
I was just intoxicated with funny feelings
The first kiss, various events
Sometimes I became so possessive
(*) The only thing I could do at that time was
To really try turning my back on love
I might have known too early
The terrible rebound after happiness
"To behave generally is the best"
Such an illusion was too simple and just shallow
(**) Your back I saw off for the last time still take up my mind
How long should I wait to be released?
"The more you love me, the more my heart aches
I don't love ... any more"
(*) repeat
(**) repeat
作詞: 浜崎あゆみ 作曲: Raita Ikemoto
あまりに非生産な日々を過ごして
こっけいな感覚だけに陶酔する
初めてのキスとか色んな記念日とか
独占欲にぬれてみたり
あの時の私に出来た事って言えば
そうして精一杯愛に背を向ける事
知るには早すぎたのかも知れない
幸福の後にある恐るべき反動
普遍的なものが一番なんて幻想
単純すぎて浅はかななだけ
最後に見送った背中が私を占める
一体どのくらい経てば解放されるの
「君に愛される程胸が苦しいの
ねぇ私は君の事もう・・・」
あの時の私に出来た事って言えば
そうして精一杯愛に背を向ける事
最後に見送った背中が私を占める
一体どのくらい経てば解放されるの
Liar - Ayumi
amari ni hiseisan na hibi wo sugoshite
kokkei na kankaku dake ni tousui suru
hajimete no KISU toka iron na kinenbi toka
dokusen yoku ni mamirete mitari
(*) ano toki no watashi ni dekita koto tte ieba
sou shite seiippai ai ni se wo mukeru koto
shiru ni wa hayasugita no kamo shirenai
koufuku no ato ni aru osoru beki handou
fuhenteki na mono ga ichiban nante gensou
tanjun sugite asahaka na dake
(**) saigo ni miokutta senaka ga watashi wo shimeru
ittai dono kurai tateba kaihou sareru no
"kimi ni ai sareru hodo mune ga kurushii no
nee watashi wa kimi no koto wo mou..."
(*) repeat
(**) repeat
Spending my days too unproductively
I was just intoxicated with funny feelings
The first kiss, various events
Sometimes I became so possessive
(*) The only thing I could do at that time was
To really try turning my back on love
I might have known too early
The terrible rebound after happiness
"To behave generally is the best"
Such an illusion was too simple and just shallow
(**) Your back I saw off for the last time still take up my mind
How long should I wait to be released?
"The more you love me, the more my heart aches
I don't love ... any more"
(*) repeat
(**) repeat
Saturday, June 11, 2005
My untitled thoughts, continued2 ~ thoughts defined.
Warning: text below contains english grammar errors and various faults. And also, text suggests that it may contains influenciable elements. Read at your own risk.
Last time I've been saying there is no border between good and evil, because you set the border and how majority see whether which is the line of both sides. You must somehow, see through this meaning or more appropriately, truth.
Good = Bad? Wrong? o.O||| Somehow you can't see the relationship of these all. So we should use a more simpler way to explain this. You see, some people always like to make things complicated so that, maybe, wants to impress others, or like last time I said: people doing things to fulfill their objectives, and people searching for meathods to accomplish them, either in easy or hard way. So people always want to let people see their results, their accomplishments, they wanted to show off. Erm... I'm a bit out of topic now. Back to the question: Good equals bad? In scientific explanation, everything including us is made up of particles, which is simple element. Well, you can't say everything is bad because they may have their use, maybe for us. And perhaps, you say it is bad because it's bad to something or to you. You just can't see through everything, because everything is just like an variable, just like the computer programming, everything have the ability to affect the outcome or affect other probability of the outcome. It's simple, just imagine the ripple of the water. From the programming's view, you change one variable may affect the variables surrounded it, or which related to it. So the conclusion is: Good = Bad. But be warned, don't simply tell anyone that the killer or robber are good because I said so and that's the entirely wrong thinking you have there.
Erm... And also I suggest another example here. Actually this is just a story. Ahem... I'm not old grandfather story teller so don't be like stereotype... I like story very much because they gave me all the inspirations and examples and also moral values I might learn. I think I've read almost 500 stories until now. But I'm not sure though because there are so many magazines and stories are included in it. Talking about the story is about a guy who has a girl friend. He's very good, talented and has good manner. I mean he's good in everyone's dictionary. Although he's good, but to be with him is entirely different thing. Maybe he's too good until he have no exact personality, no extreme thinking and not really sure how to express himself. Everytime his girl friend called him to go out he always agreed and he has no temper at all. But his girl friend at last chose to left him. Why? Because he's way too good. I mean he have no temper and make him seemed to be not normal and his girl friend is more pleased if he can express himself in 'normal' way.
Well, I guess I'll stop here and continued next time, by Morph.
and to be continued...
Sunday, May 29, 2005
Memories
I'm walking along a silent corridor and it seemed like this place is familiar to me and part of it seemed to be strange and weird. "How can I be here?", I thought. For a sudden I felt nostalgic and sad because this is the place where I was educated and grown up. Somehow these visions made me wanted to venture more, and to see whether how much this place had been changed since I left here.
It's kind of like being in the place in Silent Hill 3 where you're walking alone in the dark and fight your own nightmare. However it was different here, I saw some people walking without noticing my existence. "Am I dead? Where are they going?", again, I asked myself. I noticed that I'm actually on the second floor of the block and I looked down, everything seemed to be totally different from now. To be exact, the time of this place was past, not the present because I notice that the tree that had been grown long time ago was not yet reached the first floor.
I ignored all of these and continued my path of the corridor. And again, people are dissapeared as it was so silent for the moment. I can't really describe my vision as it was blur althought it seemed crystal clear at that time. And suddently I woke up, it was a dream... again.
Welcome to the old primary school of Tsung Wah, again... in dream. I thought to myself.
It's kind of like being in the place in Silent Hill 3 where you're walking alone in the dark and fight your own nightmare. However it was different here, I saw some people walking without noticing my existence. "Am I dead? Where are they going?", again, I asked myself. I noticed that I'm actually on the second floor of the block and I looked down, everything seemed to be totally different from now. To be exact, the time of this place was past, not the present because I notice that the tree that had been grown long time ago was not yet reached the first floor.
I ignored all of these and continued my path of the corridor. And again, people are dissapeared as it was so silent for the moment. I can't really describe my vision as it was blur althought it seemed crystal clear at that time. And suddently I woke up, it was a dream... again.
Welcome to the old primary school of Tsung Wah, again... in dream. I thought to myself.
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
My untitled thoughts
Warning: text below contains english grammar errors and various faults. And also, text suggests that it may contains influenciable elements. Read at your own risk.
We, were bounded with rules. Though you may not realise, and everythings are under control of regulations and restrictions. We are living in a black box, which grows darker and darker, because the opening is being closing up, slowly and slowly, where we can't find the meaning of truth anymore. Don't blame me, and don't says I'm matrix-type or sci-fi or paranoid type of person, because I like the way I am. Or I should say, I like sci-fi very much, that is my preference, which made up a part of my personality. So, don't ask. But this is not the main point I wanted to say, what I am saying is related to the 'truth'. 'Truth' is a bit imaginary to say, but it is the most suitable word for 'it'.
I said that preference is a part of personality. And even personality is caused by the experience in your lifetime, and what you've been told what is true and what is false, and experience gathered since childhood, ever since your're eager to venture the world of this, where you'll never realise why you're born, objective of you being born and where shall you go. Small parts of these experience's' made up your personality, and made you you. I'm always wondering, everything exists for a reason, and they should act the way they should behave. They don't exist for reason/s, because the reason is what we made it to, we named its reason, and we used it, or them. Use is the best noun to describe this world, everyone/thing is using each other unnoticably and it seemed normal because of 'reason' or purposes. And even, we're bounded with words to speak in communication, we just can't speak heart to heart.
Actually what I want to say includes everything. I'm not god, nor superior being. I'm doing things according to needs, and purposes, and my brain is functioning, thinking and searching for the thing I want, I desires or to fulfill my needs. What if there is no border to everything? What if the world exists for no reason? From the books I read, there is a saying. In the creation of world, there is light, and light seperated darkness from it. and in which the dimention turns from nothingless to something. And also, light and dark is a comparison of each other and that's how they created. It is same to nothingless and 'something'. For instance, when we said someone is bad, it doesn't means that he's totally bad, because he's bad towards the one/them who says he's bad. We just can't see something from one angle, we should see everything throughly before giving it a conclusion. Or in other word saying, we should see something positively, that's the way we treat ourselves. But there is something I hate the most, where when you try to be a good person, there will be/must have someone who oppose you directly and indirectly. And again oppose is just a view, to say it more correctly, it is the one who are not agree with you. So, even bad and good is a comparison of each other. Because bad is not good, or not very good, see whether what is your view of evil, or bad people. So in overall, I don't like people who says something bad about me especially in behind. But perhaps evil is created because of good.
But since we were small, we don't even know a thing, we just observe and observe, analyze and analyze, to find the meaning of everything, we choose the way we want to be, we gather up these experience to made up our personality, but we bounded up ourself in these fance words of evil and good, darkness and brightness, or purpose and no purpose. We just can't further ourself from these boundaries, or I should say, much people don't like imagination very much, because imaginary things hurt their heads. Thus this limits themselve from boundaries. Remember that there will have no limitation to ourself and to the world. Hey, Hey, Hey, don't you said that we were bounded with rules? How contradicting... Yes, of course there are rules of this world. But not if you are in the world of imagination. Like the simulation game, you set yourself the rules... But there is a word of advice, don't contradict between the world of imagination and reality. Because that is dangerous when you are in reality. Or I should say, if you can't difference both of them, you are finished. Because you're crazy.
So back again to the main theme. Because there is really many, many thing I want to talk about. It's just that I can't finish them when I got a point, I type them up, that's my thought now, and that's how my brain functioning, not even bother checking up those english words or grammars which made up a part of the boundaries. Ahem, yea, back to the main point.
So, we gather up experience, we made up our personalities. We are we. And everyone seem to be unique. But remember that you are a soul that made up with personalities with point of view. Where will you go when you left the body? What are you before you are a baby? And let say if I cloned your mind, is it you you? What about the original one? And let say I build an AI with personalities and experiences, can I say it is an entity or organism? I think I've say too much and because of time being, I'll continue next time. I'll answer these question next time... (readers: &*($#@&*(&$#@...) Sorry I haven't move to the main theme yet, because it's true that I have many many question marks and exclamation in my head to be spoken out. If there is anything wrong about this article, please point them out and I'll correct them. Remember that mistake is part of the boundaries... ;p
To be continue... truthfully, by Morph (of course, this is my nickname)
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Ghost track: Wounded
Good Charlotte:
"Wounded"
Lost and broken
Hopeless and lonely
Smiling on the outside
Hurt beneath my skin
My eyes are fading
My soul is bleeding
I'll try to make it seem okay
But my faith is wearing thin
So help me heal these wounds
They've been open for way too long
Help me fill this soul
Even though this is not your fault
But I'm open
And I'm bleeding
All over your brand new rug
And I need someone to help me sew them up
I only wanted a magazine
I only wanted a movie screen
I only wanted the life I'd read about and dreamed
And now my mind is an open book
And now my heart is an open wound
And now my life is an open soul for all to see
But help me heal these wounds
They've been open for way too long
Help me fill this soul
Even though this is not your fault
That I'm open and I'm bleeding
All over your brand new rug
And I need someone to help me
So you come along
I push you away
Then kick and scream for you to stay
Cuz I need someone to help me
Oh I need someone to help me
To help me heal these wounds
They've been open for way too long
Help me fill this soul
Even though this is not your fault
That I'm open
And I'm bleeding
All over your brand new rug
And I need someone to help me sew them
I need someone to help me fill them
I need someone to help me close them up
"Wounded"
Lost and broken
Hopeless and lonely
Smiling on the outside
Hurt beneath my skin
My eyes are fading
My soul is bleeding
I'll try to make it seem okay
But my faith is wearing thin
So help me heal these wounds
They've been open for way too long
Help me fill this soul
Even though this is not your fault
But I'm open
And I'm bleeding
All over your brand new rug
And I need someone to help me sew them up
I only wanted a magazine
I only wanted a movie screen
I only wanted the life I'd read about and dreamed
And now my mind is an open book
And now my heart is an open wound
And now my life is an open soul for all to see
But help me heal these wounds
They've been open for way too long
Help me fill this soul
Even though this is not your fault
That I'm open and I'm bleeding
All over your brand new rug
And I need someone to help me
So you come along
I push you away
Then kick and scream for you to stay
Cuz I need someone to help me
Oh I need someone to help me
To help me heal these wounds
They've been open for way too long
Help me fill this soul
Even though this is not your fault
That I'm open
And I'm bleeding
All over your brand new rug
And I need someone to help me sew them
I need someone to help me fill them
I need someone to help me close them up
Friday, May 13, 2005
Working for QuanWu
Seriously I'm not really that interested to become a organizing committee in Quan Wu (Chinese Dancing Competition Malaysia). Firstly because I don't want my spare times become packed with activities and all the entertainment session are gone for one year (as this is the working period for Quan Wu). However, I was urged to become one. No choice... So I'm working as a leader in creative and design group.
So in this holiday I've drawn a few sketches (too bad I have no Hello program, if not I'll post it up) and those designs should be decided in this semester break. So yesterday I was working on it whole day... scanning, using photoshop to edit and render it but it was pathetic that my computer is working under heavily loaded memory especially the window XP because I'm currently using 128mb RDram which exiled a few years ago (and which existed for only half years only). So as I startup my computer the computer already 'suck' 100% of the memory. So if I ever wanted to edit a large image imagine how much time it takes.
By the way, however, I manage to complete the designs in psp format, the effects are quite nice (thanks to photoshop's strong layer function). So what else should I do? Redesign more? Uh... probably I'm going to sit there thinking or sleeping to get some inspiration/s... ^^
So in this holiday I've drawn a few sketches (too bad I have no Hello program, if not I'll post it up) and those designs should be decided in this semester break. So yesterday I was working on it whole day... scanning, using photoshop to edit and render it but it was pathetic that my computer is working under heavily loaded memory especially the window XP because I'm currently using 128mb RDram which exiled a few years ago (and which existed for only half years only). So as I startup my computer the computer already 'suck' 100% of the memory. So if I ever wanted to edit a large image imagine how much time it takes.
By the way, however, I manage to complete the designs in psp format, the effects are quite nice (thanks to photoshop's strong layer function). So what else should I do? Redesign more? Uh... probably I'm going to sit there thinking or sleeping to get some inspiration/s... ^^
Thursday, May 5, 2005
Planning
I've heard that people said the most important things before starting a work or project are preparations, proper plannings and reorganizing things and time. And they said that, if you spend more time planning, your work will be done in fast manner and more successful. But for me, these all just applied till half way only, just planning and no actions.
Last week, I've stayed in my MMU friend's house together with other friends from Ipoh, Melacca and Muar for three days. In this trip, I was kind of tired and exhausted, without enough sleep and lack of energy. But it was amazing that I discovered Ipoh people have a bad(good?) habit, that is, they have average 4 meals per day. That's because there are many places for breakfast, lunch, dinner and even supper.
Actually before going there, I was with them in Taiping zoo and I was like kidnapped by Kah Woh to Ipoh, uh, it was like being dragged there.. haha.. Er, I actually haven't mention about the Taiping trip. It was boring at first I went in there but notice that they have made some major upgrade to the park it became amazing and thus interesting for me as I haven't been there for almost 7 or 8 years. And also, it was unfortunate that it rained that day for one hour and we've to wait under the small hut there for that long. But in overall, it was fun. Then after that I went to ipoh with them after dinner.
Then in the second day, I woke up early and actually I'm the type that can't bare 'not-enough-sleep' type because if I don't enough sleep I'll be like panda. Even in normal days you'll discovered that I actually have black stain around my eyes. Talking back to the second day in Ipoh, we actually have two breakfast, one is dim sum (I heard they said that the dim sum shop near the old Ocean shopping center is closed, so it was like some kind of disappointing since I want to go there) and the other one is Hakka mee.
Then I went to Yik Fong to search for price list for my old computer here in KK as I really can't run my Window XP under 128 mb ram. (Now I realize that =.=) Or else I've to downgrade it to Win Me or Win 98. Thus Kah Woh said that the best shop there is RedCom. Haha... I even said that Yik Fong is like Lowyat duplicate which sells pirated computer cds, dvds and computer parts. And it was amazing that I can get the same price here compared to stygix in Melacca and Lowyat. (512mb ram = RM 190) Sing Yee and Hui Shin went to buy the local biscuits (actually I don't really know what those called) and local foods here back. After that, it was lunch time already. We didn't went to those place of interest that day, because Sing Yee and Hui Shin them already went there already before I went to Ipoh, and secondly, those places are not really suitable for me. ^^||| So we went to Ipoh and parade and Pasar Malam. And then, we have dinner (steamboat) and supper (near ipoh parade). I can't really said it was a fun trip because all the things I did there was eat, eat and eat. Haha, all I can say is it was amazing and interesting to be there without any proper planning.
When I went back next day, I was really tired and the things I promised myself is being left behind. (Actually I'm planning to do revision on the calculus and japanese language in this holiday) And in same day also I was relieved that I passed in all subjects for my course. All the works done have been paid...
(To be honest, I just done the last minute jobs back there in Melacca before exam only. So it wasn't surprising to see that my grade have been dropped in second and third semester, and even my friend was shock to see my cgpa marks dropping because yesterday he called me and telling me that he was working with Orange in Melacca hotel, and maybe back they'll call me out to swim again. Haha... is it weird that to have a friend called Orange?? ^^)
If I have time I'll post some pics from the trip in Taiping and Ipoh... haha, if I have time...
Last week, I've stayed in my MMU friend's house together with other friends from Ipoh, Melacca and Muar for three days. In this trip, I was kind of tired and exhausted, without enough sleep and lack of energy. But it was amazing that I discovered Ipoh people have a bad(good?) habit, that is, they have average 4 meals per day. That's because there are many places for breakfast, lunch, dinner and even supper.
Actually before going there, I was with them in Taiping zoo and I was like kidnapped by Kah Woh to Ipoh, uh, it was like being dragged there.. haha.. Er, I actually haven't mention about the Taiping trip. It was boring at first I went in there but notice that they have made some major upgrade to the park it became amazing and thus interesting for me as I haven't been there for almost 7 or 8 years. And also, it was unfortunate that it rained that day for one hour and we've to wait under the small hut there for that long. But in overall, it was fun. Then after that I went to ipoh with them after dinner.
Then in the second day, I woke up early and actually I'm the type that can't bare 'not-enough-sleep' type because if I don't enough sleep I'll be like panda. Even in normal days you'll discovered that I actually have black stain around my eyes. Talking back to the second day in Ipoh, we actually have two breakfast, one is dim sum (I heard they said that the dim sum shop near the old Ocean shopping center is closed, so it was like some kind of disappointing since I want to go there) and the other one is Hakka mee.
Then I went to Yik Fong to search for price list for my old computer here in KK as I really can't run my Window XP under 128 mb ram. (Now I realize that =.=) Or else I've to downgrade it to Win Me or Win 98. Thus Kah Woh said that the best shop there is RedCom. Haha... I even said that Yik Fong is like Lowyat duplicate which sells pirated computer cds, dvds and computer parts. And it was amazing that I can get the same price here compared to stygix in Melacca and Lowyat. (512mb ram = RM 190) Sing Yee and Hui Shin went to buy the local biscuits (actually I don't really know what those called) and local foods here back. After that, it was lunch time already. We didn't went to those place of interest that day, because Sing Yee and Hui Shin them already went there already before I went to Ipoh, and secondly, those places are not really suitable for me. ^^||| So we went to Ipoh and parade and Pasar Malam. And then, we have dinner (steamboat) and supper (near ipoh parade). I can't really said it was a fun trip because all the things I did there was eat, eat and eat. Haha, all I can say is it was amazing and interesting to be there without any proper planning.
When I went back next day, I was really tired and the things I promised myself is being left behind. (Actually I'm planning to do revision on the calculus and japanese language in this holiday) And in same day also I was relieved that I passed in all subjects for my course. All the works done have been paid...
(To be honest, I just done the last minute jobs back there in Melacca before exam only. So it wasn't surprising to see that my grade have been dropped in second and third semester, and even my friend was shock to see my cgpa marks dropping because yesterday he called me and telling me that he was working with Orange in Melacca hotel, and maybe back they'll call me out to swim again. Haha... is it weird that to have a friend called Orange?? ^^)
If I have time I'll post some pics from the trip in Taiping and Ipoh... haha, if I have time...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)