Memories

I'm walking along a silent corridor and it seemed like this place is familiar to me and part of it seemed to be strange and weird. "How can I be here?", I thought. For a sudden I felt nostalgic and sad because this is the place where I was educated and grown up. Somehow these visions made me wanted to venture more, and to see whether how much this place had been changed since I left here.

It's kind of like being in the place in Silent Hill 3 where you're walking alone in the dark and fight your own nightmare. However it was different here, I saw some people walking without noticing my existence. "Am I dead? Where are they going?", again, I asked myself. I noticed that I'm actually on the second floor of the block and I looked down, everything seemed to be totally different from now. To be exact, the time of this place was past, not the present because I notice that the tree that had been grown long time ago was not yet reached the first floor.

I ignored all of these and continued my path of the corridor. And again, people are dissapeared as it was so silent for the moment. I can't really describe my vision as it was blur althought it seemed crystal clear at that time. And suddently I woke up, it was a dream... again.

Welcome to the old primary school of Tsung Wah, again... in dream. I thought to myself.

My untitled thoughts

Warning: text below contains english grammar errors and various faults. And also, text suggests that it may contains influenciable elements. Read at your own risk.

We, were bounded with rules. Though you may not realise, and everythings are under control of regulations and restrictions. We are living in a black box, which grows darker and darker, because the opening is being closing up, slowly and slowly, where we can't find the meaning of truth anymore. Don't blame me, and don't says I'm matrix-type or sci-fi or paranoid type of person, because I like the way I am. Or I should say, I like sci-fi very much, that is my preference, which made up a part of my personality. So, don't ask. But this is not the main point I wanted to say, what I am saying is related to the 'truth'. 'Truth' is a bit imaginary to say, but it is the most suitable word for 'it'.

I said that preference is a part of personality. And even personality is caused by the experience in your lifetime, and what you've been told what is true and what is false, and experience gathered since childhood, ever since your're eager to venture the world of this, where you'll never realise why you're born, objective of you being born and where shall you go. Small parts of these experience's' made up your personality, and made you you. I'm always wondering, everything exists for a reason, and they should act the way they should behave. They don't exist for reason/s, because the reason is what we made it to, we named its reason, and we used it, or them. Use is the best noun to describe this world, everyone/thing is using each other unnoticably and it seemed normal because of 'reason' or purposes. And even, we're bounded with words to speak in communication, we just can't speak heart to heart.

Actually what I want to say includes everything. I'm not god, nor superior being. I'm doing things according to needs, and purposes, and my brain is functioning, thinking and searching for the thing I want, I desires or to fulfill my needs. What if there is no border to everything? What if the world exists for no reason? From the books I read, there is a saying. In the creation of world, there is light, and light seperated darkness from it. and in which the dimention turns from nothingless to something. And also, light and dark is a comparison of each other and that's how they created. It is same to nothingless and 'something'. For instance, when we said someone is bad, it doesn't means that he's totally bad, because he's bad towards the one/them who says he's bad. We just can't see something from one angle, we should see everything throughly before giving it a conclusion. Or in other word saying, we should see something positively, that's the way we treat ourselves. But there is something I hate the most, where when you try to be a good person, there will be/must have someone who oppose you directly and indirectly. And again oppose is just a view, to say it more correctly, it is the one who are not agree with you. So, even bad and good is a comparison of each other. Because bad is not good, or not very good, see whether what is your view of evil, or bad people. So in overall, I don't like people who says something bad about me especially in behind. But perhaps evil is created because of good.

But since we were small, we don't even know a thing, we just observe and observe, analyze and analyze, to find the meaning of everything, we choose the way we want to be, we gather up these experience to made up our personality, but we bounded up ourself in these fance words of evil and good, darkness and brightness, or purpose and no purpose. We just can't further ourself from these boundaries, or I should say, much people don't like imagination very much, because imaginary things hurt their heads. Thus this limits themselve from boundaries. Remember that there will have no limitation to ourself and to the world. Hey, Hey, Hey, don't you said that we were bounded with rules? How contradicting... Yes, of course there are rules of this world. But not if you are in the world of imagination. Like the simulation game, you set yourself the rules... But there is a word of advice, don't contradict between the world of imagination and reality. Because that is dangerous when you are in reality. Or I should say, if you can't difference both of them, you are finished. Because you're crazy.

So back again to the main theme. Because there is really many, many thing I want to talk about. It's just that I can't finish them when I got a point, I type them up, that's my thought now, and that's how my brain functioning, not even bother checking up those english words or grammars which made up a part of the boundaries. Ahem, yea, back to the main point.

So, we gather up experience, we made up our personalities. We are we. And everyone seem to be unique. But remember that you are a soul that made up with personalities with point of view. Where will you go when you left the body? What are you before you are a baby? And let say if I cloned your mind, is it you you? What about the original one? And let say I build an AI with personalities and experiences, can I say it is an entity or organism? I think I've say too much and because of time being, I'll continue next time. I'll answer these question next time... (readers: &*($#@&*(&$#@...) Sorry I haven't move to the main theme yet, because it's true that I have many many question marks and exclamation in my head to be spoken out. If there is anything wrong about this article, please point them out and I'll correct them. Remember that mistake is part of the boundaries... ;p

To be continue... truthfully, by Morph (of course, this is my nickname)

Ghost track: Wounded

Good Charlotte:
"Wounded"

Lost and broken
Hopeless and lonely
Smiling on the outside
Hurt beneath my skin

My eyes are fading
My soul is bleeding
I'll try to make it seem okay
But my faith is wearing thin

So help me heal these wounds
They've been open for way too long
Help me fill this soul
Even though this is not your fault

But I'm open
And I'm bleeding
All over your brand new rug
And I need someone to help me sew them up
I only wanted a magazine
I only wanted a movie screen
I only wanted the life I'd read about and dreamed

And now my mind is an open book
And now my heart is an open wound
And now my life is an open soul for all to see

But help me heal these wounds
They've been open for way too long
Help me fill this soul
Even though this is not your fault

That I'm open and I'm bleeding
All over your brand new rug
And I need someone to help me
So you come along
I push you away
Then kick and scream for you to stay
Cuz I need someone to help me
Oh I need someone to help me
To help me heal these wounds
They've been open for way too long
Help me fill this soul
Even though this is not your fault
That I'm open
And I'm bleeding
All over your brand new rug
And I need someone to help me sew them
I need someone to help me fill them
I need someone to help me close them up

Working for QuanWu

Seriously I'm not really that interested to become a organizing committee in Quan Wu (Chinese Dancing Competition Malaysia). Firstly because I don't want my spare times become packed with activities and all the entertainment session are gone for one year (as this is the working period for Quan Wu). However, I was urged to become one. No choice... So I'm working as a leader in creative and design group.

So in this holiday I've drawn a few sketches (too bad I have no Hello program, if not I'll post it up) and those designs should be decided in this semester break. So yesterday I was working on it whole day... scanning, using photoshop to edit and render it but it was pathetic that my computer is working under heavily loaded memory especially the window XP because I'm currently using 128mb RDram which exiled a few years ago (and which existed for only half years only). So as I startup my computer the computer already 'suck' 100% of the memory. So if I ever wanted to edit a large image imagine how much time it takes.

By the way, however, I manage to complete the designs in psp format, the effects are quite nice (thanks to photoshop's strong layer function). So what else should I do? Redesign more? Uh... probably I'm going to sit there thinking or sleeping to get some inspiration/s... ^^

Planning

I've heard that people said the most important things before starting a work or project are preparations, proper plannings and reorganizing things and time. And they said that, if you spend more time planning, your work will be done in fast manner and more successful. But for me, these all just applied till half way only, just planning and no actions.

Last week, I've stayed in my MMU friend's house together with other friends from Ipoh, Melacca and Muar for three days. In this trip, I was kind of tired and exhausted, without enough sleep and lack of energy. But it was amazing that I discovered Ipoh people have a bad(good?) habit, that is, they have average 4 meals per day. That's because there are many places for breakfast, lunch, dinner and even supper.

Actually before going there, I was with them in Taiping zoo and I was like kidnapped by Kah Woh to Ipoh, uh, it was like being dragged there.. haha.. Er, I actually haven't mention about the Taiping trip. It was boring at first I went in there but notice that they have made some major upgrade to the park it became amazing and thus interesting for me as I haven't been there for almost 7 or 8 years. And also, it was unfortunate that it rained that day for one hour and we've to wait under the small hut there for that long. But in overall, it was fun. Then after that I went to ipoh with them after dinner.

Then in the second day, I woke up early and actually I'm the type that can't bare 'not-enough-sleep' type because if I don't enough sleep I'll be like panda. Even in normal days you'll discovered that I actually have black stain around my eyes. Talking back to the second day in Ipoh, we actually have two breakfast, one is dim sum (I heard they said that the dim sum shop near the old Ocean shopping center is closed, so it was like some kind of disappointing since I want to go there) and the other one is Hakka mee.

Then I went to Yik Fong to search for price list for my old computer here in KK as I really can't run my Window XP under 128 mb ram. (Now I realize that =.=) Or else I've to downgrade it to Win Me or Win 98. Thus Kah Woh said that the best shop there is RedCom. Haha... I even said that Yik Fong is like Lowyat duplicate which sells pirated computer cds, dvds and computer parts. And it was amazing that I can get the same price here compared to stygix in Melacca and Lowyat. (512mb ram = RM 190) Sing Yee and Hui Shin went to buy the local biscuits (actually I don't really know what those called) and local foods here back. After that, it was lunch time already. We didn't went to those place of interest that day, because Sing Yee and Hui Shin them already went there already before I went to Ipoh, and secondly, those places are not really suitable for me. ^^||| So we went to Ipoh and parade and Pasar Malam. And then, we have dinner (steamboat) and supper (near ipoh parade). I can't really said it was a fun trip because all the things I did there was eat, eat and eat. Haha, all I can say is it was amazing and interesting to be there without any proper planning.

When I went back next day, I was really tired and the things I promised myself is being left behind. (Actually I'm planning to do revision on the calculus and japanese language in this holiday) And in same day also I was relieved that I passed in all subjects for my course. All the works done have been paid...

(To be honest, I just done the last minute jobs back there in Melacca before exam only. So it wasn't surprising to see that my grade have been dropped in second and third semester, and even my friend was shock to see my cgpa marks dropping because yesterday he called me and telling me that he was working with Orange in Melacca hotel, and maybe back they'll call me out to swim again. Haha... is it weird that to have a friend called Orange?? ^^)

If I have time I'll post some pics from the trip in Taiping and Ipoh... haha, if I have time...

Predictable

Artist : Good Charlotte
Title : Predictable
Album : The Chronicles of Life & Death (Death Art Version)
Genre : Modern Rock

Something isn't right,
I can feel it again, feel it again.
This isn't the first time,
That you left me waiting.
Sad excuses and false hopes high,
I saw this coming, still I don't know why,
I let you in.

I knew it all along,
You're so predictable.
I knew something would go wrong,
So you don't have to call,
Or say anything at all.
You're so predictable.

So take your empty words, Your broken promises,
And all the time you stole,
'Cause I am done with it,
I could give it away,
I'm doing everything I should of,
Now I'm making a change,
Living the day,
I'm giving back what you gave me

I knew it all along,
You're so predictable.
I knew something would go wrong,
So you don't have to call,
Or say anything at all.
You're so predictable.

Now everywhere I go,
Everyone I meet,
Every time I try to fall in love,
They all want to know why I'm so broken.

Why I'm so cold, why I'm so hard inside.
Why am I scared?
What am I afraid of?

I don't even know, this story's never had an end.
I've been waiting,
I've been searching,
I've been hoping,
I've been dreaming you would come back,
But I know the ending of this story.
And you're never coming back,
Never...

I knew it all along,
You're so predictable.
I knew something would go wrong... (So predictable...)

Everywhere I go for the rest of my life,
Everyone I love, (So predictable...)
Everyone I care about,
They're all gonna want to know what's wrong with me. (So predictable...)
And I know what it is, What it is is right now