I realized that I'm not that perfect.
And even the most fundamental thing I can't handle or maintain.
I'm relying on others.
I'm stupid, because I don't know this all along.
I'm wondering, how can I be smarter? In terms of charisma and knowledge.
I'm wondering, why I must be smarter?
And the purpose is the most fundamental thing for all these to happen.
That is: Why I'm asking this question.
Because I'm not perfect.
So I tried my best to maintain my confidence.
Or maybe the word normalize my behaviour is the best term to describe here.
Normalize my behaviour towards maintaining friendship,
normalize my attitude towards talking and judging...
whether which one can be trusted.
Maybe I've talking too much sometimes about others people,
and I'm wondering,
what is the perpose I'm doing this.
That's the time I realize that all these are wrong.
I'm the one who are responsible for myself.
I'm the one who make the decision.
And I'm the one who decide whether the decision is correct or not.
Therefore I must 100%ly confirm that every move I made is perfect, and flawless.
Never make the mistake again!
And also,
this world rely on maintaining the 'waveform' and 'eternity',
you just can't put all your efford in the beginning,
and end it without anything,
there will have no end,
if you are playing the chess,
the most professional move is to maintaining,
maintaining every pieces on the board so that everyone remains.
And I must maintain to the time where it shall stop.
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Monday, November 21, 2005
MonoNoctorus Theory #2: Once there was a light...
It's nice to look at you at far distance,
though you might not notice.
It's nice to speak with you,
though sometimes mostly we speak of work rather than personal things.
It's nice I'm watching you change in this period of time,
though I'm not involved in it.
I know you are the best and I just can't compare you to me,
I didn't dare to look at you, when you're watching me,
I'm afraid to speak to you, and my heart is beating fast when I did that,
I was scared, you'll be lost in my sight, having me alone in this darkness,
And I'm alone again, though I seemed to be always alone in this darkness.
You know, 1 is the loneliest number, yet it's full with passion.
The passion guide him forward to the front line of everybody else,
But sometimes the so called 'love' make him blind,
in this period of time, in this moment.
Yet he's waiting... for the utmost important thing, the identity.
To make him a perfect man.
Or maybe... this world is always not perfect...
yea... always...
that's why I turn my love into hate,
turn my hate into ignorance and furiousity,
but please forgive me,
for what I've done,
to you... ... ...
though you might not notice.
It's nice to speak with you,
though sometimes mostly we speak of work rather than personal things.
It's nice I'm watching you change in this period of time,
though I'm not involved in it.
I know you are the best and I just can't compare you to me,
I didn't dare to look at you, when you're watching me,
I'm afraid to speak to you, and my heart is beating fast when I did that,
I was scared, you'll be lost in my sight, having me alone in this darkness,
And I'm alone again, though I seemed to be always alone in this darkness.
You know, 1 is the loneliest number, yet it's full with passion.
The passion guide him forward to the front line of everybody else,
But sometimes the so called 'love' make him blind,
in this period of time, in this moment.
Yet he's waiting... for the utmost important thing, the identity.
To make him a perfect man.
Or maybe... this world is always not perfect...
yea... always...
that's why I turn my love into hate,
turn my hate into ignorance and furiousity,
but please forgive me,
for what I've done,
to you... ... ...
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
MonoNoctorus Theory #1: Advancement and Change, Balancing and Normalizing.
[Projects:]
Starman_Tribal_2001 [Completed]
ReplicatorMagic_2002 [Completed]
Orev_Iagon_Magic_2003 [Completed]
LiviaTenda_DeepHeart_2004 [Completed]
MonoNoctorus_2005 [In progress]
ExperiorNoctorus_2006 [Started]
Favilin_Densetsu_2007 [Unknown]
Hybrid_DeForm_2008 [Unknown]
[Untitled, Again:]
::The story begins with [Starman_Tribal_2001]::
I think I'm weird, thus make myself weirder.
I'm weak in express myself, I learn it from other people. I'm a mere replicator, pretender.
::The story continues with [ReplicatorMagic_2002]::
Everytime I just told myself to upgrade, in way of different than others, thus more faster, and I guess I might get crazy one day.
Sometimes I'm thinking whether is this the best way of my life, is that I'll get the best outcome of my efford I put in, or all of these works is just a piece of rubbish.
::Slight changes started with [Orev_Iagon_Magic_2003]::
I'm timid, I'll save myself first than other peoples. I'm a demon. I'm not myself, anymore.
I don't know how to act, don't really pro in lying(but sometimes I did), but everytime people just don't believes.
I have no sense of humour, but I'm a sensitive person, I can observe and make analysis if you give me time, while not making any movement or changes to my observe/analysis, or maybe I'll just get far away from the bad one. I just like to think using my brain when I'm free. I guess I just like to be alone, most of the time.
::Turning point of my life, the realization with [LiviaTenda_DeepHeart_2004]::
So basically I'm nothing, no personality and no sense of hunmour, I'm merely a blank container.
::After realization, continued to huge changes [MonoNoctorus_2005]::
I guess if I continue to behave like this I'll get nothing in the end.
I wanted to change, I wanted to advance, my heart told me.
Everytime I copied others personality, I replicate them. Thus combine into 'me'.
I do modification to my personality according to any changes depends on my experience I got from the things I've done.
I've learnt the effect of tipping the balance of something, and try to see through one thing in different angles.
I try to differentiate which thing is bad and which thing is good, but I realize there is no total good and total bad in this world, everything is just behave according to its needs, and with your efford changing them might get both good and bad outcomes.
[::Theories I made from Projects::]
Observation_Analysis_Judgement system
First Advancement Theory
Second Advancement Theory
Double Advancement Theory
Multiple Advancement Theory
Normalizing/Balancing System
ReplicatorMagic+Experience=Outcome Decision Making
Dream/Final Achievement Making
[::Future resolution::]
ExperiorNoctorus_2006 [Started]
Favilin_Densetsu_2007 [Unknown]
Hybrid_DeForm_2008 [Unknown]
I sound like robot, huh? ^_^ Next time will be another great change of me... ^_^
Towards the dream of eternity,
Towards the world we've never venture before,
Towards a better life for you, and me.
Starman_Tribal_2001 [Completed]
ReplicatorMagic_2002 [Completed]
Orev_Iagon_Magic_2003 [Completed]
LiviaTenda_DeepHeart_2004 [Completed]
MonoNoctorus_2005 [In progress]
ExperiorNoctorus_2006 [Started]
Favilin_Densetsu_2007 [Unknown]
Hybrid_DeForm_2008 [Unknown]
[Untitled, Again:]
::The story begins with [Starman_Tribal_2001]::
I think I'm weird, thus make myself weirder.
I'm weak in express myself, I learn it from other people. I'm a mere replicator, pretender.
::The story continues with [ReplicatorMagic_2002]::
Everytime I just told myself to upgrade, in way of different than others, thus more faster, and I guess I might get crazy one day.
Sometimes I'm thinking whether is this the best way of my life, is that I'll get the best outcome of my efford I put in, or all of these works is just a piece of rubbish.
::Slight changes started with [Orev_Iagon_Magic_2003]::
I'm timid, I'll save myself first than other peoples. I'm a demon. I'm not myself, anymore.
I don't know how to act, don't really pro in lying(but sometimes I did), but everytime people just don't believes.
I have no sense of humour, but I'm a sensitive person, I can observe and make analysis if you give me time, while not making any movement or changes to my observe/analysis, or maybe I'll just get far away from the bad one. I just like to think using my brain when I'm free. I guess I just like to be alone, most of the time.
::Turning point of my life, the realization with [LiviaTenda_DeepHeart_2004]::
So basically I'm nothing, no personality and no sense of hunmour, I'm merely a blank container.
::After realization, continued to huge changes [MonoNoctorus_2005]::
I guess if I continue to behave like this I'll get nothing in the end.
I wanted to change, I wanted to advance, my heart told me.
Everytime I copied others personality, I replicate them. Thus combine into 'me'.
I do modification to my personality according to any changes depends on my experience I got from the things I've done.
I've learnt the effect of tipping the balance of something, and try to see through one thing in different angles.
I try to differentiate which thing is bad and which thing is good, but I realize there is no total good and total bad in this world, everything is just behave according to its needs, and with your efford changing them might get both good and bad outcomes.
[::Theories I made from Projects::]
Observation_Analysis_Judgement system
First Advancement Theory
Second Advancement Theory
Double Advancement Theory
Multiple Advancement Theory
Normalizing/Balancing System
ReplicatorMagic+Experience=Outcome Decision Making
Dream/Final Achievement Making
[::Future resolution::]
ExperiorNoctorus_2006 [Started]
Favilin_Densetsu_2007 [Unknown]
Hybrid_DeForm_2008 [Unknown]
I sound like robot, huh? ^_^ Next time will be another great change of me... ^_^
Towards the dream of eternity,
Towards the world we've never venture before,
Towards a better life for you, and me.
Thursday, November 3, 2005
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