That day after the JLPT 4th grade exam, I felt relieve. I don't know why I like Japanese that much, and I don't know that what is my purpose to learn it. Yet, I like it very much. And then after exam, I've put aside all the stuff and continued returning back for my academic study.
I've learnt much these days, I've learnt to accept, and I've learnt to deny. Somehow, sometimes I feel that I have the chance to accept, but sometimes there is not. The feeling of grabing hold of something is that imaginative, untouchable. If you grabbed hold of it, you wouldn't know what would be happen next. But if you didn't, maybe you'll lose a chance. There is no such rule which state that something good is always good for you.
I knew that I didn't have a good communication skill. And after all these, I felt that it's not that I don't really have it, but I'm just simply don't want to admit, don't want to accept and don't want to improve, and yet simply assume that I'll not improving anymore. But things do change, world around you change, so I just can't say that something is static continue to be static, this is no physics. Because we are dynamic.
Everything is dynamic.
I'm a little childish sometimes. I'm not always speak the truth. I'm always influenced by people, providing that there is reasons and the reasons will always overwhelme my thinking. I don't have my own stand (even though I really have). Because my stand is always weak and breakable.
Once there was a light that always guided me. But somehow the light keep fading and I keep on falling. Everytime I fall I feel the pain, the pain keep on reminding me not to repeat any mistake. But in reality everything is different. They are not ideal, and we can't assume any ideal case. Because they are no reality.
Just like my recent case, a tissue factory called me to change and change my design because everytime there was a technical problems. But I really wanted to learn, wanted to learn about the printing stuff. While I edited the design, I again learnt some new things, and now he said he wanted to abandon the design, how could I accept that? I was trying my best to pass up my work, but yet he wanted everything to be perfect. Or maybe some other time I'll redo everything and pass up again, not sure whether the president have already told them to stop everything... Hopefully I still can pass up my final technical-problem-free design...
That was my work before going back hometown here.
And now, it's holiday finally. Just wanted to keep away all my pressure and stress out of me and enjoy this moment. And I'm upgrading my Japanese by reading the compositions. And yea, forgot to mention that since I'm here in Malaysia, the chance to absorb it is very small, and that's what I called untouchable, and imaginative.
And yea, I didn't know that since when I started to hate this place... (or maybe influence?? lol...) I hate Malaysia, I hate my hometown... And you can call I discriminate type of people, but I'm getting more and more bored to this place already. Perhaps I do not belongs to here...
There is just too much out there to learn.
Am I overreacted?
Am I sound like an old-tale-telling folk?
I just speak my heart.
CNY is just around the corner, I don't have any feeling about it. Every year the event is just alike, they're all the same. Visiting people, people observe what had changed, and what remain unchanged, people complement to each other, people wanted to eat, people wanted to earn, while I don't really feel any thing great. I wanted to be alone. but actually my heart told me that I wanted something more precious. Mmm... what was my resolution for 2006 again ar?... change?... nah, I've change a lot since I left secondary... dream? hehe.. wanted to earn a lot of money? Nah... I can't really earn money now... wanted to know more friends? maybe... travel? Iksh... again.. no money... hehe.. this is like an cycle... no earn money = no travel = boring. money = travel and shopping = happie ^_^ zzzz....
So what's next that will happen to me in 2006?
No one knows...
(But I'm the one who make decisions... what should I choose?)
Happy holidays, and happy chinese new year.
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Monday, January 9, 2006
Saturday, December 31, 2005
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Dearest: Merry Christmas~
I'm acting a little strange recently. I can't describe the feeling of the chemical reaction inside me. I feel like I'm not me.
I hate to deal with people. Because I always like to be alone, thus that's why I can't improve myself. Sometimes I'm doing things wrong, but it becomes better in the end, and sometimes vice versa. I, don't know how to grab chances, that's why the things I should have earlier, is fading, just besides of me.
It's not that I feel like I'm not grabbing it, but I felt that I'm not suppose to grab it, and it's not belongs to mine, and cannot before I realise it, and understand it. I can't regret after I've understand it. While I'm too confortable for the things I have. I scare to change. I scare to turn something normal to bad.
I feel like want to find someone whom I can trust. I feel like want to find someone whom I can voice my heart. I feel like earning money. I fee like chasing dreams.
I'm just too greedy, that's why all couldn't be succeded.
Merry christmas ^_^ For you, that you may never see this post.
Wednesday, December 7, 2005
Things...
1. Don't complains about life.
2. Say 'hi' to at least 1 stranger everyday.
3. Travel.
4. Find a partnership.
5. Learn to communicate in english. Normal english at least.
6. Memorize the script.
7. Own a greenhouse.
8. Learn to plant cherry tomatoes.
9. Collect my favourite genre of animes.
10.Don't hesitate about making every decisions.
11.Be braver.
12.Go shopping in Ginza.
13.Rear some kittens.
14.Study the gibberish languages, C++zzz...
15.Make money.
16.Work out everyday.
17.Increase weight the healthier way.
18.Design a game.
19.Get more sleep.
20.Cook the most delicious spaghetti.
21.Go to pub.
22.Learn to play piano.
23.Drink more water.
24.Finish the novels which stacked in my room.
25.Get more truthful friends.
26.Care for skin.
27.Design and become famous.
28.Program and become famous.
29.Go back hometown to stay with family.
30.Get my braces off.
31.Eat sushi.
32.Go to Hong Kong.
33.Expand my bandwidth.
34.Go swimming.
35.Buy a swatch watch.
36.Buy the Japanese clothing style t-shirt.
37.Go hiking.
38.Learn diving in Pulau Redang.
39.Get a car.
40.Get a life.
41.Play PS2 games in computer.
42.Go shopping in JJ.
43.Visit australia.
44.Make a list of goals for the next 5-10 years of my life and achieve them all.
45.Exercise regularly.
46.Live a simple life and take it day by day.
47.Take vitamins.
48.Spend more time chatting with family.
49.Be a better friend.
50.See an aurora borealis.
51.Learn to scrapbook.
52.Learn more about astronomy and using telescopes.
53.Be more fashionable.
54.Sleep under the stars.
55.Have better posture.
56.Add work out training set from 3 to 5.
57.Grow a vegetable garden.
58.Mend broken friendships.
59.Avoid certain people.
60.Build my dream house in my dream.
61.Learn to swim, in more effective way.
62.Learn butterfly style.
63.Try piggy jump.
64.Design my own computer.
65.Go to view the sunset.
66.Travel to kyoto.
67.Get some sleep.
68.Do hair treatment.
69.Be more enthusiastic.
70.Play basketball.
2. Say 'hi' to at least 1 stranger everyday.
3. Travel.
4. Find a partnership.
5. Learn to communicate in english. Normal english at least.
6. Memorize the script.
7. Own a greenhouse.
8. Learn to plant cherry tomatoes.
9. Collect my favourite genre of animes.
10.Don't hesitate about making every decisions.
11.Be braver.
12.Go shopping in Ginza.
13.Rear some kittens.
14.Study the gibberish languages, C++zzz...
15.Make money.
16.Work out everyday.
17.Increase weight the healthier way.
18.Design a game.
19.Get more sleep.
20.Cook the most delicious spaghetti.
21.Go to pub.
22.Learn to play piano.
23.Drink more water.
24.Finish the novels which stacked in my room.
25.Get more truthful friends.
26.Care for skin.
27.Design and become famous.
28.Program and become famous.
29.Go back hometown to stay with family.
30.Get my braces off.
31.Eat sushi.
32.Go to Hong Kong.
33.Expand my bandwidth.
34.Go swimming.
35.Buy a swatch watch.
36.Buy the Japanese clothing style t-shirt.
37.Go hiking.
38.Learn diving in Pulau Redang.
39.Get a car.
40.Get a life.
41.Play PS2 games in computer.
42.Go shopping in JJ.
43.Visit australia.
44.Make a list of goals for the next 5-10 years of my life and achieve them all.
45.Exercise regularly.
46.Live a simple life and take it day by day.
47.Take vitamins.
48.Spend more time chatting with family.
49.Be a better friend.
50.See an aurora borealis.
51.Learn to scrapbook.
52.Learn more about astronomy and using telescopes.
53.Be more fashionable.
54.Sleep under the stars.
55.Have better posture.
56.Add work out training set from 3 to 5.
57.Grow a vegetable garden.
58.Mend broken friendships.
59.Avoid certain people.
60.Build my dream house in my dream.
61.Learn to swim, in more effective way.
62.Learn butterfly style.
63.Try piggy jump.
64.Design my own computer.
65.Go to view the sunset.
66.Travel to kyoto.
67.Get some sleep.
68.Do hair treatment.
69.Be more enthusiastic.
70.Play basketball.
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Untitled, again...
I realized that I'm not that perfect.
And even the most fundamental thing I can't handle or maintain.
I'm relying on others.
I'm stupid, because I don't know this all along.
I'm wondering, how can I be smarter? In terms of charisma and knowledge.
I'm wondering, why I must be smarter?
And the purpose is the most fundamental thing for all these to happen.
That is: Why I'm asking this question.
Because I'm not perfect.
So I tried my best to maintain my confidence.
Or maybe the word normalize my behaviour is the best term to describe here.
Normalize my behaviour towards maintaining friendship,
normalize my attitude towards talking and judging...
whether which one can be trusted.
Maybe I've talking too much sometimes about others people,
and I'm wondering,
what is the perpose I'm doing this.
That's the time I realize that all these are wrong.
I'm the one who are responsible for myself.
I'm the one who make the decision.
And I'm the one who decide whether the decision is correct or not.
Therefore I must 100%ly confirm that every move I made is perfect, and flawless.
Never make the mistake again!
And also,
this world rely on maintaining the 'waveform' and 'eternity',
you just can't put all your efford in the beginning,
and end it without anything,
there will have no end,
if you are playing the chess,
the most professional move is to maintaining,
maintaining every pieces on the board so that everyone remains.
And I must maintain to the time where it shall stop.
And even the most fundamental thing I can't handle or maintain.
I'm relying on others.
I'm stupid, because I don't know this all along.
I'm wondering, how can I be smarter? In terms of charisma and knowledge.
I'm wondering, why I must be smarter?
And the purpose is the most fundamental thing for all these to happen.
That is: Why I'm asking this question.
Because I'm not perfect.
So I tried my best to maintain my confidence.
Or maybe the word normalize my behaviour is the best term to describe here.
Normalize my behaviour towards maintaining friendship,
normalize my attitude towards talking and judging...
whether which one can be trusted.
Maybe I've talking too much sometimes about others people,
and I'm wondering,
what is the perpose I'm doing this.
That's the time I realize that all these are wrong.
I'm the one who are responsible for myself.
I'm the one who make the decision.
And I'm the one who decide whether the decision is correct or not.
Therefore I must 100%ly confirm that every move I made is perfect, and flawless.
Never make the mistake again!
And also,
this world rely on maintaining the 'waveform' and 'eternity',
you just can't put all your efford in the beginning,
and end it without anything,
there will have no end,
if you are playing the chess,
the most professional move is to maintaining,
maintaining every pieces on the board so that everyone remains.
And I must maintain to the time where it shall stop.
Monday, November 21, 2005
MonoNoctorus Theory #2: Once there was a light...
It's nice to look at you at far distance,
though you might not notice.
It's nice to speak with you,
though sometimes mostly we speak of work rather than personal things.
It's nice I'm watching you change in this period of time,
though I'm not involved in it.
I know you are the best and I just can't compare you to me,
I didn't dare to look at you, when you're watching me,
I'm afraid to speak to you, and my heart is beating fast when I did that,
I was scared, you'll be lost in my sight, having me alone in this darkness,
And I'm alone again, though I seemed to be always alone in this darkness.
You know, 1 is the loneliest number, yet it's full with passion.
The passion guide him forward to the front line of everybody else,
But sometimes the so called 'love' make him blind,
in this period of time, in this moment.
Yet he's waiting... for the utmost important thing, the identity.
To make him a perfect man.
Or maybe... this world is always not perfect...
yea... always...
that's why I turn my love into hate,
turn my hate into ignorance and furiousity,
but please forgive me,
for what I've done,
to you... ... ...
though you might not notice.
It's nice to speak with you,
though sometimes mostly we speak of work rather than personal things.
It's nice I'm watching you change in this period of time,
though I'm not involved in it.
I know you are the best and I just can't compare you to me,
I didn't dare to look at you, when you're watching me,
I'm afraid to speak to you, and my heart is beating fast when I did that,
I was scared, you'll be lost in my sight, having me alone in this darkness,
And I'm alone again, though I seemed to be always alone in this darkness.
You know, 1 is the loneliest number, yet it's full with passion.
The passion guide him forward to the front line of everybody else,
But sometimes the so called 'love' make him blind,
in this period of time, in this moment.
Yet he's waiting... for the utmost important thing, the identity.
To make him a perfect man.
Or maybe... this world is always not perfect...
yea... always...
that's why I turn my love into hate,
turn my hate into ignorance and furiousity,
but please forgive me,
for what I've done,
to you... ... ...
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
MonoNoctorus Theory #1: Advancement and Change, Balancing and Normalizing.
[Projects:]
Starman_Tribal_2001 [Completed]
ReplicatorMagic_2002 [Completed]
Orev_Iagon_Magic_2003 [Completed]
LiviaTenda_DeepHeart_2004 [Completed]
MonoNoctorus_2005 [In progress]
ExperiorNoctorus_2006 [Started]
Favilin_Densetsu_2007 [Unknown]
Hybrid_DeForm_2008 [Unknown]
[Untitled, Again:]
::The story begins with [Starman_Tribal_2001]::
I think I'm weird, thus make myself weirder.
I'm weak in express myself, I learn it from other people. I'm a mere replicator, pretender.
::The story continues with [ReplicatorMagic_2002]::
Everytime I just told myself to upgrade, in way of different than others, thus more faster, and I guess I might get crazy one day.
Sometimes I'm thinking whether is this the best way of my life, is that I'll get the best outcome of my efford I put in, or all of these works is just a piece of rubbish.
::Slight changes started with [Orev_Iagon_Magic_2003]::
I'm timid, I'll save myself first than other peoples. I'm a demon. I'm not myself, anymore.
I don't know how to act, don't really pro in lying(but sometimes I did), but everytime people just don't believes.
I have no sense of humour, but I'm a sensitive person, I can observe and make analysis if you give me time, while not making any movement or changes to my observe/analysis, or maybe I'll just get far away from the bad one. I just like to think using my brain when I'm free. I guess I just like to be alone, most of the time.
::Turning point of my life, the realization with [LiviaTenda_DeepHeart_2004]::
So basically I'm nothing, no personality and no sense of hunmour, I'm merely a blank container.
::After realization, continued to huge changes [MonoNoctorus_2005]::
I guess if I continue to behave like this I'll get nothing in the end.
I wanted to change, I wanted to advance, my heart told me.
Everytime I copied others personality, I replicate them. Thus combine into 'me'.
I do modification to my personality according to any changes depends on my experience I got from the things I've done.
I've learnt the effect of tipping the balance of something, and try to see through one thing in different angles.
I try to differentiate which thing is bad and which thing is good, but I realize there is no total good and total bad in this world, everything is just behave according to its needs, and with your efford changing them might get both good and bad outcomes.
[::Theories I made from Projects::]
Observation_Analysis_Judgement system
First Advancement Theory
Second Advancement Theory
Double Advancement Theory
Multiple Advancement Theory
Normalizing/Balancing System
ReplicatorMagic+Experience=Outcome Decision Making
Dream/Final Achievement Making
[::Future resolution::]
ExperiorNoctorus_2006 [Started]
Favilin_Densetsu_2007 [Unknown]
Hybrid_DeForm_2008 [Unknown]
I sound like robot, huh? ^_^ Next time will be another great change of me... ^_^
Towards the dream of eternity,
Towards the world we've never venture before,
Towards a better life for you, and me.
Starman_Tribal_2001 [Completed]
ReplicatorMagic_2002 [Completed]
Orev_Iagon_Magic_2003 [Completed]
LiviaTenda_DeepHeart_2004 [Completed]
MonoNoctorus_2005 [In progress]
ExperiorNoctorus_2006 [Started]
Favilin_Densetsu_2007 [Unknown]
Hybrid_DeForm_2008 [Unknown]
[Untitled, Again:]
::The story begins with [Starman_Tribal_2001]::
I think I'm weird, thus make myself weirder.
I'm weak in express myself, I learn it from other people. I'm a mere replicator, pretender.
::The story continues with [ReplicatorMagic_2002]::
Everytime I just told myself to upgrade, in way of different than others, thus more faster, and I guess I might get crazy one day.
Sometimes I'm thinking whether is this the best way of my life, is that I'll get the best outcome of my efford I put in, or all of these works is just a piece of rubbish.
::Slight changes started with [Orev_Iagon_Magic_2003]::
I'm timid, I'll save myself first than other peoples. I'm a demon. I'm not myself, anymore.
I don't know how to act, don't really pro in lying(but sometimes I did), but everytime people just don't believes.
I have no sense of humour, but I'm a sensitive person, I can observe and make analysis if you give me time, while not making any movement or changes to my observe/analysis, or maybe I'll just get far away from the bad one. I just like to think using my brain when I'm free. I guess I just like to be alone, most of the time.
::Turning point of my life, the realization with [LiviaTenda_DeepHeart_2004]::
So basically I'm nothing, no personality and no sense of hunmour, I'm merely a blank container.
::After realization, continued to huge changes [MonoNoctorus_2005]::
I guess if I continue to behave like this I'll get nothing in the end.
I wanted to change, I wanted to advance, my heart told me.
Everytime I copied others personality, I replicate them. Thus combine into 'me'.
I do modification to my personality according to any changes depends on my experience I got from the things I've done.
I've learnt the effect of tipping the balance of something, and try to see through one thing in different angles.
I try to differentiate which thing is bad and which thing is good, but I realize there is no total good and total bad in this world, everything is just behave according to its needs, and with your efford changing them might get both good and bad outcomes.
[::Theories I made from Projects::]
Observation_Analysis_Judgement system
First Advancement Theory
Second Advancement Theory
Double Advancement Theory
Multiple Advancement Theory
Normalizing/Balancing System
ReplicatorMagic+Experience=Outcome Decision Making
Dream/Final Achievement Making
[::Future resolution::]
ExperiorNoctorus_2006 [Started]
Favilin_Densetsu_2007 [Unknown]
Hybrid_DeForm_2008 [Unknown]
I sound like robot, huh? ^_^ Next time will be another great change of me... ^_^
Towards the dream of eternity,
Towards the world we've never venture before,
Towards a better life for you, and me.
Thursday, November 3, 2005
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
My untitled thoughts, continued... 6th ~ Entitled: Promise
I promised myself that I'll change in these 3 years, and I did changed, I guessed. But it's true that, everyone did change too. But in my belief, to change is to take action, to take action you must have a target to achieve, a dream to chase, and a promise to yourself.
I always ask myself: What are you going to do in the next step... What is the thing/s you wanted to change... and so on. But mostly all the time, the so called... dreams, target was always overwhelmed by 'lazyness' and 'lacking in confidence'. But luckily, I still have some instinct when the 'deadline' coming and I'll automatically force myself to continue the things I need to do.
But compares to other people, I guess I'm a bit faster in changing, physically, mentally and also attitude towards everything. But there is still something bad about me, that's the bad ego, guess I'm care too much about my face, I thought I'm greater, I'm better. That's the side effect for my change. And I've to change my 'holier-than-thou' attitude.
Currently I'm still researching whether the decision I made is correct or appropriate or not. Though it's true that every action has no complete true or false. I must make the best decision that'll make the best outcome. That's the reason of me joining Quan Wu also, that's to overcome the great pressure, to organising things better and to learn social communication. Am I still lacking in these? lol... guess I'm not satisfied with my current state, I'm always not satisfied. Arghh... life s*cks.
My dream last time: It's night with stars above me, and I'm inside a transparent house on a huge field of grasses with winds blowing towards me and holding hands, back against back with you.
This time's dream: It's 6:30 in the morning, I'm inside a bus, alone. The bus is moving, slowly and I'm watching the cloud, city and also the sun rise. Some townspeople are busing with their early shores, while I'm sitting there, watching them.
So, what's next? =.=" Another change to myself?
I always ask myself: What are you going to do in the next step... What is the thing/s you wanted to change... and so on. But mostly all the time, the so called... dreams, target was always overwhelmed by 'lazyness' and 'lacking in confidence'. But luckily, I still have some instinct when the 'deadline' coming and I'll automatically force myself to continue the things I need to do.
But compares to other people, I guess I'm a bit faster in changing, physically, mentally and also attitude towards everything. But there is still something bad about me, that's the bad ego, guess I'm care too much about my face, I thought I'm greater, I'm better. That's the side effect for my change. And I've to change my 'holier-than-thou' attitude.
Currently I'm still researching whether the decision I made is correct or appropriate or not. Though it's true that every action has no complete true or false. I must make the best decision that'll make the best outcome. That's the reason of me joining Quan Wu also, that's to overcome the great pressure, to organising things better and to learn social communication. Am I still lacking in these? lol... guess I'm not satisfied with my current state, I'm always not satisfied. Arghh... life s*cks.
My dream last time: It's night with stars above me, and I'm inside a transparent house on a huge field of grasses with winds blowing towards me and holding hands, back against back with you.
This time's dream: It's 6:30 in the morning, I'm inside a bus, alone. The bus is moving, slowly and I'm watching the cloud, city and also the sun rise. Some townspeople are busing with their early shores, while I'm sitting there, watching them.
So, what's next? =.=" Another change to myself?
Sunday, October 16, 2005
My untitled thoughts, continued... 5th ~ Untitled
Finally, the semester break has started, and I started to wonder: what's next? What is the next destination I'm going to?
Recently I realize that you can't achieve everything just because of your hardwork. It's so unreal, untouchable, and imaginary. You cannot grab hold of it, even though you've try hard to, or it's like you've cried and cried but no one will help you in the middle of this 'darkness'. Maybe it's true, maybe it's false (but for me, it's always false), you cannot distinguish it just because of your opinion, there is no total true and total false in all of your action. So I'm now in agony, mentally, because I can't make a step or action that's totally correct or true. I don't even know what is true. I'm confused.
And next, I knew my behaviour, the more i like a thing, the more I'll resist, and deny. Thus I can't make up my personality normally, I merely replicates others. (refer to post: My untitled thoughts, continued3 ~ Neverending dreams...)
And everytime, I wish there is light to guide me, to put an end to all of this 'suffering', to decide which is true and which is false but in the end, it turned out to be 'I'm the only one who can responsible for me and my actions'. Thus I hate everything, and the things that I can never reached. And I deny all of these things.
I deny, because I don't know you.
I deny, because I am scared.
I resist, because you'll harm me.
I resist, because I'm confused.
Unless, I can see into you more clearly.
Recently I realize that you can't achieve everything just because of your hardwork. It's so unreal, untouchable, and imaginary. You cannot grab hold of it, even though you've try hard to, or it's like you've cried and cried but no one will help you in the middle of this 'darkness'. Maybe it's true, maybe it's false (but for me, it's always false), you cannot distinguish it just because of your opinion, there is no total true and total false in all of your action. So I'm now in agony, mentally, because I can't make a step or action that's totally correct or true. I don't even know what is true. I'm confused.
And next, I knew my behaviour, the more i like a thing, the more I'll resist, and deny. Thus I can't make up my personality normally, I merely replicates others. (refer to post: My untitled thoughts, continued3 ~ Neverending dreams...)
And everytime, I wish there is light to guide me, to put an end to all of this 'suffering', to decide which is true and which is false but in the end, it turned out to be 'I'm the only one who can responsible for me and my actions'. Thus I hate everything, and the things that I can never reached. And I deny all of these things.
I deny, because I don't know you.
I deny, because I am scared.
I resist, because you'll harm me.
I resist, because I'm confused.
Unless, I can see into you more clearly.
Wednesday, August 10, 2005
Week 8 of the semester
I feel that it's time for me to do some improvement to myself. Sometimes what people said or what you hear may discourage your passion to improvement; sometimes your eyes or ears are meant to deceive you. So sometimes I made changes very fast whenever someone says something about me. But still, I need time to learn, and to distinguish the true evil which disguished themselves as good people and those people who're really my friends.
Next week I'll be having 3 exams, while I am not concern about them. Am I getting lazy or what? Plus the Quan Wu work is getting packed with activities, scared I can't manage to overcome them especially I've to guide my group, giving them opportunity to express their talent, and cooperate and communicate with them. Because this is my first time being an OC and division leader.
People said everytime we talk to people we should look into their eyes to show sincerity and honesty. But it seem like I like to move my eyes to other side when talking, is it show that I'm not honest enough?
Arghh... have to continue my journey of overcoming the stress in this reality... of true world...
Next week I'll be having 3 exams, while I am not concern about them. Am I getting lazy or what? Plus the Quan Wu work is getting packed with activities, scared I can't manage to overcome them especially I've to guide my group, giving them opportunity to express their talent, and cooperate and communicate with them. Because this is my first time being an OC and division leader.
People said everytime we talk to people we should look into their eyes to show sincerity and honesty. But it seem like I like to move my eyes to other side when talking, is it show that I'm not honest enough?
Arghh... have to continue my journey of overcoming the stress in this reality... of true world...
Thursday, August 4, 2005
Loss in heart...
I feel my heart is broken, again, after the trip. I scare I can't really affort to sustain this bleeding anymore, I scare I'll hurt myself more if I continue like this. This, has been the third time I'm having this feeling, of loss and anxiety. Word can't describe my feeling now, I'm just in terribly hurt and pain. Wonder anyone with this feeling can go through it. It's like I really can't express it out because there are certain things can't be said. And something is better left unsaid.
Yesterday I feel I need a break and called my parents to go for some shopping, yea, crazy shopping because I wanted to forgot this all. I wanted to end this sad feeling. I bought the six installation of the Harry Potter, some books, bought T-shirt and Jeans in Shinjuku and other stuff. It was a really crazy shopping, before my leaving tomorrow, back to Melacca.. Yea, now I'm treating Melacca as my home now, now really get used to it now.
Hope tomorrow will be better.
Hope everything will have a solution
Hope the one will get a better life.
Hope this is not the end...
Yesterday I feel I need a break and called my parents to go for some shopping, yea, crazy shopping because I wanted to forgot this all. I wanted to end this sad feeling. I bought the six installation of the Harry Potter, some books, bought T-shirt and Jeans in Shinjuku and other stuff. It was a really crazy shopping, before my leaving tomorrow, back to Melacca.. Yea, now I'm treating Melacca as my home now, now really get used to it now.
Hope tomorrow will be better.
Hope everything will have a solution
Hope the one will get a better life.
Hope this is not the end...
Monday, July 4, 2005
My untitled thoughts, continued4 ~ Thank you...
I can't remember the first time I met you, it's just that I didn't notice about you in the starting point. It was all very blur at that time until I can't really recognise anything about it.
But now, you've deeply affected me. Because of your kindness, and your cheerful attitude. I wanted to say, you brighten up my life.
And also because of your thinking, you've help me cleared all those impure thoughts, make all those sinful thoughts disappeared, and I feel refreshed now, because of your pure, lawful and yet innocent mind.
I'm actually making everything complicated myself, and my mind became darker before you arrived. But you're like the angel that create light pierce through my obscure mind, creating reflection through every angle of my mind.
But happy times goes very fast, until I lost track of you, and yet you've left a cut in my heart. I keep on bleeding because the nicer you treat me, the larger the cut has become.
I just can't explain these feelings.
You've deeply touched me throughout the time, and I just can't say anything for your leaving.
Thank you, for being my friend...
Thank you, for all the things you've done...
Thank you, for teaching me the things you believed...
Thank you, for changing me.
But now, you've deeply affected me. Because of your kindness, and your cheerful attitude. I wanted to say, you brighten up my life.
And also because of your thinking, you've help me cleared all those impure thoughts, make all those sinful thoughts disappeared, and I feel refreshed now, because of your pure, lawful and yet innocent mind.
I'm actually making everything complicated myself, and my mind became darker before you arrived. But you're like the angel that create light pierce through my obscure mind, creating reflection through every angle of my mind.
But happy times goes very fast, until I lost track of you, and yet you've left a cut in my heart. I keep on bleeding because the nicer you treat me, the larger the cut has become.
I just can't explain these feelings.
You've deeply touched me throughout the time, and I just can't say anything for your leaving.
Thank you, for being my friend...
Thank you, for all the things you've done...
Thank you, for teaching me the things you believed...
Thank you, for changing me.
Sunday, July 3, 2005
My untitled thoughts, continued3 ~ Neverending dreams...
Warning: text below contains influenceable elements. Read at your own risk.
I have to admit, I am not a perfect person, even though I wanted myself to be one.
I am very sad, because certain things cannot be changed, even though how much efford I put in.
I used to think that I am a demon that trapped inside this body which is not belongs to mine, and I always think that I'm a defective child of my parents... I can't get use to be... me.
I own a unique thinking that my personality is merely a replication of others behaviour, others experiences and reactions. I myself, however, do not have one. Even my thinking is made up of imitation of others. Because I envy those I imitated, I wanted to be them, I wanted their experience, I wished that their personality is mine, I wanted to snatch from them.
Am I selfish?
Or it is just that I'm nothing from the start?
I don't want to end my life like this, and I have to admit, this life isn't perfect. however, I tried very much to achieve a flawless and beautiful life.
I think perfection is perfect, but, it is always engulved by imperfections, and impurities. Thus it is always, not perfect in the end.
Sometimes I wanted to love, but there isn't any chance, for any reaction to your care and anxiousness. While I keep nothing happened, but actually I do care.
Sometimes I wanted other people to know my feeling, but I can't, because they don't understand me, and I don't know how to tell them.
Isn't that seemed stupid?
I think so...
Am I stillbe me? forever?
Am I timid or selfish? when facing sudden obstacles? Or I'm just protecting myself?
Am I have the chance to choose?
To choose whether my life is perfect or not?
To choose whether I'll not sad anymore.
To choose whether I'll not care for these all, and I'll be happy always.
I hated myself that I know all these truth, and understand them are just make my headache worse, while I keep pretending nothing happened.
Or it's true that I'm just pretender? Imitating others behaviour set, copying others experience? Am I look stupid when I tried to look cool? While I actually don't understand any thing, while I still pretend to?
I always had nostalgic dreams, when I saw the familiar images in those dreams, exploring its strangeness and anxiety, and I felt very sad after that. But then I continue to be like I'm happy.
My thinking become complicated, because I know these all, and tried to understand them maked them more complicated to comprehend. I wish I had a simpler mind and thinking, and without thinking these all, EVER.
This is my world, I really can't comment anything about them, because, I can't change them. But I keep on continue my neverending dreams, day by day, perhaps, I'll get a more understandable reasons, for my question marks in my head.
Maybe, this world is just like this...
Maybe, there will be a second chance, and second miracle...
for these neverending story, and dreams...
Thursday, June 30, 2005
My untitled thoughts: You're my sky.
My-HiME / Mai-HiME Ending Theme
君が空だった
美郷あき
迷わないでと言えなかった
届かない想いもある
淋しすぎる笑顔がゆれて
傷をなぞった Lonely good-bye
情熱さえ痛むよ
永遠のかけら追いかけて
君が空だった 夢だった
燃えて熔ける日々を…
忘れない思い出にして
その胸を飾ればいい
Search for my life またいつか会えるね
透明な瞳を愛してたよ
今はそれぞれの道 進む“RESTARTING”
分かり合えずに 奥に眠る
君の弱さや辛さへ触れてしまった
愚かなほど好きだったのに Time is over
抱きしめてよ
心が消えてしまいそうで怖くて
しがみついた夜に星だけが
私達を見てた…
時の中 運命（さだめ）に巻かれ
舞う羽が願う明日へ
Wishin' for my love 美しく飛ぶから
そっと微笑んでキスをして
どこに消えてゆくの？ 優しい声
見上げれば 君が空だった
舞う羽が夢だったよ
Wishin' for my love 美しく飛ぶから
駆け抜けた蒼の時代を
忘れない思い出にして
その胸を飾ればいい
Search for my life またいつか会えるね
透明な瞳を愛してたよ
今はそれぞれの道 進む“RESTARTING”
Kimi ga Sora datta
Misato Aki
mayowanaide to ienakatta
todokanai omoi mo aru
samishisugiru egao ga yurete
kizu wo nazotta Lonely good-bye
jounetsu sae itamu yo
eien no no kakera oikakete
kimi ga sora datta, yume datta
moete tokeru hibi wo...
wasurenai omoide ni shite
sono mune wo kazareba ii
Search for my life, mata itsuka aeru ne
toumei na me wo aishiteta yo
ima wa sorezore no michi, susumu "RESTARTING"
wakariaezu ni, oku ni nemuru
kimi no yowasa ya tsurasa e fureteshimatta
oroka na hodo suki datta noni Time is over
dakishimete yo
kokoro ga kiete shimaisou de kowakute
shigamitsuita yoru ni hoshi dake ga
watashitachi wo miteta...
toki no naka, sadame ni makare
mau hane ga negau asu e
Wishin' for my love, utsukushiku tobu kara
sotto hohoende KISS wo shite
doko ni kieteyuku no? yasashii koe
miagereba, kimi ga sora datta
mau hane ga yume datta yo
Wishin' for my love, utsushiku tobu kara
kakenuketa ao no jidai wo
wasurenai omoide ni shite
sono mune wo kazareba ii
Search for my life, mata itsuka aeru ne
toumei na hitomi wo aishiteta yo
ima wa sorezore no michi, susumu "RESTARTING"
You were my sky
Misato Aki
I couldn't say, "Don't lose your way."
And there are feelings that couldn't reach you.
Shake off that all too lonely smile,
And to that wound-like loneliness, good-bye.
Even passion hurts.
Chasing after the fragments of eternity,
You were my sky, you were my dream.
Turn the days thawed by passion...
Into unforgettable memories,
And adorn them on your chest.
Search for my life, we will meet again someday.
I loved your clear eyes.
Now we are on different paths, making our way to "RESTARTING"
We slept without understanding each other.
I felt your weakness and your pain.
Though I loved you without a thought, Time is over.
Hold me close.
I feel my heart disappearing and I'm afraid.
In the clinging night, the stars
Were all we saw.
In the midst of time, we were entwined by destiny.
The dancing feathers are heading towards our desired tomorrow.
Wishin' for my love, I will fly beautifully.
Give me a gentle smile and kiss me.
Where are you going? That gentle voice of yours.
When I looked up, you were my sky.
The dancing feathers were a dream.
Wishin' for my love, I will fly beautifully.
Turn the sky blue times we passed by,
Into unforgettable memories,
And adorn them on your chest.
Search for my life, we will meet again someday.
I loved your clear eyes.
Now we are on different paths, making our way to "RESTARTING"
君が空だった
美郷あき
迷わないでと言えなかった
届かない想いもある
淋しすぎる笑顔がゆれて
傷をなぞった Lonely good-bye
情熱さえ痛むよ
永遠のかけら追いかけて
君が空だった 夢だった
燃えて熔ける日々を…
忘れない思い出にして
その胸を飾ればいい
Search for my life またいつか会えるね
透明な瞳を愛してたよ
今はそれぞれの道 進む“RESTARTING”
分かり合えずに 奥に眠る
君の弱さや辛さへ触れてしまった
愚かなほど好きだったのに Time is over
抱きしめてよ
心が消えてしまいそうで怖くて
しがみついた夜に星だけが
私達を見てた…
時の中 運命（さだめ）に巻かれ
舞う羽が願う明日へ
Wishin' for my love 美しく飛ぶから
そっと微笑んでキスをして
どこに消えてゆくの？ 優しい声
見上げれば 君が空だった
舞う羽が夢だったよ
Wishin' for my love 美しく飛ぶから
駆け抜けた蒼の時代を
忘れない思い出にして
その胸を飾ればいい
Search for my life またいつか会えるね
透明な瞳を愛してたよ
今はそれぞれの道 進む“RESTARTING”
Kimi ga Sora datta
Misato Aki
mayowanaide to ienakatta
todokanai omoi mo aru
samishisugiru egao ga yurete
kizu wo nazotta Lonely good-bye
jounetsu sae itamu yo
eien no no kakera oikakete
kimi ga sora datta, yume datta
moete tokeru hibi wo...
wasurenai omoide ni shite
sono mune wo kazareba ii
Search for my life, mata itsuka aeru ne
toumei na me wo aishiteta yo
ima wa sorezore no michi, susumu "RESTARTING"
wakariaezu ni, oku ni nemuru
kimi no yowasa ya tsurasa e fureteshimatta
oroka na hodo suki datta noni Time is over
dakishimete yo
kokoro ga kiete shimaisou de kowakute
shigamitsuita yoru ni hoshi dake ga
watashitachi wo miteta...
toki no naka, sadame ni makare
mau hane ga negau asu e
Wishin' for my love, utsukushiku tobu kara
sotto hohoende KISS wo shite
doko ni kieteyuku no? yasashii koe
miagereba, kimi ga sora datta
mau hane ga yume datta yo
Wishin' for my love, utsushiku tobu kara
kakenuketa ao no jidai wo
wasurenai omoide ni shite
sono mune wo kazareba ii
Search for my life, mata itsuka aeru ne
toumei na hitomi wo aishiteta yo
ima wa sorezore no michi, susumu "RESTARTING"
You were my sky
Misato Aki
I couldn't say, "Don't lose your way."
And there are feelings that couldn't reach you.
Shake off that all too lonely smile,
And to that wound-like loneliness, good-bye.
Even passion hurts.
Chasing after the fragments of eternity,
You were my sky, you were my dream.
Turn the days thawed by passion...
Into unforgettable memories,
And adorn them on your chest.
Search for my life, we will meet again someday.
I loved your clear eyes.
Now we are on different paths, making our way to "RESTARTING"
We slept without understanding each other.
I felt your weakness and your pain.
Though I loved you without a thought, Time is over.
Hold me close.
I feel my heart disappearing and I'm afraid.
In the clinging night, the stars
Were all we saw.
In the midst of time, we were entwined by destiny.
The dancing feathers are heading towards our desired tomorrow.
Wishin' for my love, I will fly beautifully.
Give me a gentle smile and kiss me.
Where are you going? That gentle voice of yours.
When I looked up, you were my sky.
The dancing feathers were a dream.
Wishin' for my love, I will fly beautifully.
Turn the sky blue times we passed by,
Into unforgettable memories,
And adorn them on your chest.
Search for my life, we will meet again someday.
I loved your clear eyes.
Now we are on different paths, making our way to "RESTARTING"
Thursday, June 23, 2005
My untitled thoughts: Loop
Wondering why there's no feedback for the care and love I shared,
Wondering why I can't get people to know my feeling, as well my tears,
Wondering why the days are just neverending loops,
Wondering why I'm a fool that can't even speak my thought and love to you,
Wondering why you let me met you in this world,
Just wondering...
Tsubasa Chronicle Ending Theme
------------------------------
「ループ」
vocal: 坂本真綾
lyrics: h's
music & arrangement: h-wonder
recorded & mixed: 中原正幸
at victor studio, studio BLAN
co-ordinated by 佐藤宏次 (scoop music)
ねえ この街が夕闇に染まるときは
世界のどこかで朝日がさす
君の手の中 その花が枯れるときは
小さな種を落とすだろう
踏み固められた土を道だと呼ぶのならば
目を閉じることでも愛かなあ？
この星が平らなら二人出逢えてなかった
お互いを遠ざけるように走っていた
スピードを緩めずに 今はどんなに離れても
廻る奇跡の途中にまた向かい合うのだろう
ねえ この街の夕闇が去り行く時に
この涙 連れてって
語りかけてくる文字を小説と呼ぶのなら
届かない言葉は夢かなあ？
澱みなく流れてく河に浮かべた木の葉で
海の目指して雲になって雨で降ろう
遠い君の近く落ちた種を育てよう
違う場所で君が気付いてくれるといいんだけど
この星が絶え間なく回り続けているから
小さく開けた窓の外 景色を変え
私の愛した花 そっと芽生える季節で
廻る奇跡のその果て また向かい合うのだろう
向かい合うのだろう
くるるまわるくるくると
くるくるきみのまわりを
Loop
vocal: Maaya Sakamoto
lyrics: h's
music & arrangement: h-wonder
recorded & mixed: Masayuki Nakahara
at victor studio, studio BLAN
co-ordinated by Kouji Satou (scoop music)
nee kono machi ga yuuyami ni somaru toki wa
sekai no dokoka de asahi ga sasu
kimi no te no naka sono hana ga kareru toki wa
chiisana tane wo otosu darou
fumikatamerareta tsuchi wo michi dato yobu no naraba
me wo tojiru koto demo ai kanaa?
kono hoshi ga taira nara futari deaetenakatta
otagai wo toozakeru youni hashitteita
SPEED wo yurumezuni ima wa donna ni hanaretemo
meguru kiseki no tochuu ni mata mukaiau no darou
nee kono machi no yuuyami ga sariiku toki ni
kono namida tsuretette
katarikaketekuru moji wo shousetsu to yobu no nara
todokanai kotoba wa yume kanaa?
yodomi naku nagareteku kawa ni ukabeta konoha de
umi no mezashite kumo ni natte ame de furou
tooi kimi no chikaku ochita tane wo sodateyou
chigau basho de kimi ga kidzuite kureru to iin dakedo
kono hoshi ga taemanaku mawaritsudzuketeiru kara
chiisaku aketa mado no soto keshiki wo kae
watashi no ai shita hana sotto mebaeru keshiki de
meguru kiseki no sono hate mata mukaiau no darou
mukaiau no darou
kururu mawaru kurukuru to
kurukuru kimi no mawari wo
Loop
vocal: Maaya Sakamoto
lyrics: h's
music & arrangement: h-wonder
recorded & mixed: Masayuki Nakahara
at victor studio, studio BLAN
co-ordinated by Kouji Satou (scoop music)
Hey, while this town is covered by twilight,
The morning sun is shining down somewhere else in this world.
As that flower withers away in your hand,
A little seed probably falls into the ground somewhere.
If the trodden soil is called a path,
Then is shutting my eyes love?
If our star was flat, the two of us wouldn't have met.
We were running without slowing down,
As if from each other. No matter how far apart we are now,
We will surely face each other again in this revolving miracle.
Hey, when the twilight passes from this town,
Take my tears away too.
If a story of words is called a novel,
Then are these words that can't reach you my dream?
Carried by fallen leaves floating in the river that flows without faltering,
Became clouds with the sea and fell with the rain,
I will raise this seed that fell near the distant you.
If only you would notice me from your distant location.
Because our star revolves without stopping,
The scenery outside the tiny opened window changes,
And the flower I loved, we will surely face each other again,
In this revolving miracle, in this sprouting season,
We will surely face each other again.
Round and round I go,
Round and round around you.
Wondering why I can't get people to know my feeling, as well my tears,
Wondering why the days are just neverending loops,
Wondering why I'm a fool that can't even speak my thought and love to you,
Wondering why you let me met you in this world,
Just wondering...
Tsubasa Chronicle Ending Theme
------------------------------
「ループ」
vocal: 坂本真綾
lyrics: h's
music & arrangement: h-wonder
recorded & mixed: 中原正幸
at victor studio, studio BLAN
co-ordinated by 佐藤宏次 (scoop music)
ねえ この街が夕闇に染まるときは
世界のどこかで朝日がさす
君の手の中 その花が枯れるときは
小さな種を落とすだろう
踏み固められた土を道だと呼ぶのならば
目を閉じることでも愛かなあ？
この星が平らなら二人出逢えてなかった
お互いを遠ざけるように走っていた
スピードを緩めずに 今はどんなに離れても
廻る奇跡の途中にまた向かい合うのだろう
ねえ この街の夕闇が去り行く時に
この涙 連れてって
語りかけてくる文字を小説と呼ぶのなら
届かない言葉は夢かなあ？
澱みなく流れてく河に浮かべた木の葉で
海の目指して雲になって雨で降ろう
遠い君の近く落ちた種を育てよう
違う場所で君が気付いてくれるといいんだけど
この星が絶え間なく回り続けているから
小さく開けた窓の外 景色を変え
私の愛した花 そっと芽生える季節で
廻る奇跡のその果て また向かい合うのだろう
向かい合うのだろう
くるるまわるくるくると
くるくるきみのまわりを
Loop
vocal: Maaya Sakamoto
lyrics: h's
music & arrangement: h-wonder
recorded & mixed: Masayuki Nakahara
at victor studio, studio BLAN
co-ordinated by Kouji Satou (scoop music)
nee kono machi ga yuuyami ni somaru toki wa
sekai no dokoka de asahi ga sasu
kimi no te no naka sono hana ga kareru toki wa
chiisana tane wo otosu darou
fumikatamerareta tsuchi wo michi dato yobu no naraba
me wo tojiru koto demo ai kanaa?
kono hoshi ga taira nara futari deaetenakatta
otagai wo toozakeru youni hashitteita
SPEED wo yurumezuni ima wa donna ni hanaretemo
meguru kiseki no tochuu ni mata mukaiau no darou
nee kono machi no yuuyami ga sariiku toki ni
kono namida tsuretette
katarikaketekuru moji wo shousetsu to yobu no nara
todokanai kotoba wa yume kanaa?
yodomi naku nagareteku kawa ni ukabeta konoha de
umi no mezashite kumo ni natte ame de furou
tooi kimi no chikaku ochita tane wo sodateyou
chigau basho de kimi ga kidzuite kureru to iin dakedo
kono hoshi ga taemanaku mawaritsudzuketeiru kara
chiisaku aketa mado no soto keshiki wo kae
watashi no ai shita hana sotto mebaeru keshiki de
meguru kiseki no sono hate mata mukaiau no darou
mukaiau no darou
kururu mawaru kurukuru to
kurukuru kimi no mawari wo
Loop
vocal: Maaya Sakamoto
lyrics: h's
music & arrangement: h-wonder
recorded & mixed: Masayuki Nakahara
at victor studio, studio BLAN
co-ordinated by Kouji Satou (scoop music)
Hey, while this town is covered by twilight,
The morning sun is shining down somewhere else in this world.
As that flower withers away in your hand,
A little seed probably falls into the ground somewhere.
If the trodden soil is called a path,
Then is shutting my eyes love?
If our star was flat, the two of us wouldn't have met.
We were running without slowing down,
As if from each other. No matter how far apart we are now,
We will surely face each other again in this revolving miracle.
Hey, when the twilight passes from this town,
Take my tears away too.
If a story of words is called a novel,
Then are these words that can't reach you my dream?
Carried by fallen leaves floating in the river that flows without faltering,
Became clouds with the sea and fell with the rain,
I will raise this seed that fell near the distant you.
If only you would notice me from your distant location.
Because our star revolves without stopping,
The scenery outside the tiny opened window changes,
And the flower I loved, we will surely face each other again,
In this revolving miracle, in this sprouting season,
We will surely face each other again.
Round and round I go,
Round and round around you.
Saturday, June 18, 2005
Friday, June 17, 2005
Liar.
Liar
作詞: 浜崎あゆみ 作曲: Raita Ikemoto
あまりに非生産な日々を過ごして
こっけいな感覚だけに陶酔する
初めてのキスとか色んな記念日とか
独占欲にぬれてみたり
あの時の私に出来た事って言えば
そうして精一杯愛に背を向ける事
知るには早すぎたのかも知れない
幸福の後にある恐るべき反動
普遍的なものが一番なんて幻想
単純すぎて浅はかななだけ
最後に見送った背中が私を占める
一体どのくらい経てば解放されるの
「君に愛される程胸が苦しいの
ねぇ私は君の事もう・・・」
あの時の私に出来た事って言えば
そうして精一杯愛に背を向ける事
最後に見送った背中が私を占める
一体どのくらい経てば解放されるの
Liar - Ayumi
amari ni hiseisan na hibi wo sugoshite
kokkei na kankaku dake ni tousui suru
hajimete no KISU toka iron na kinenbi toka
dokusen yoku ni mamirete mitari
(*) ano toki no watashi ni dekita koto tte ieba
sou shite seiippai ai ni se wo mukeru koto
shiru ni wa hayasugita no kamo shirenai
koufuku no ato ni aru osoru beki handou
fuhenteki na mono ga ichiban nante gensou
tanjun sugite asahaka na dake
(**) saigo ni miokutta senaka ga watashi wo shimeru
ittai dono kurai tateba kaihou sareru no
"kimi ni ai sareru hodo mune ga kurushii no
nee watashi wa kimi no koto wo mou..."
(*) repeat
(**) repeat
Spending my days too unproductively
I was just intoxicated with funny feelings
The first kiss, various events
Sometimes I became so possessive
(*) The only thing I could do at that time was
To really try turning my back on love
I might have known too early
The terrible rebound after happiness
"To behave generally is the best"
Such an illusion was too simple and just shallow
(**) Your back I saw off for the last time still take up my mind
How long should I wait to be released?
"The more you love me, the more my heart aches
I don't love ... any more"
(*) repeat
(**) repeat
作詞: 浜崎あゆみ 作曲: Raita Ikemoto
あまりに非生産な日々を過ごして
こっけいな感覚だけに陶酔する
初めてのキスとか色んな記念日とか
独占欲にぬれてみたり
あの時の私に出来た事って言えば
そうして精一杯愛に背を向ける事
知るには早すぎたのかも知れない
幸福の後にある恐るべき反動
普遍的なものが一番なんて幻想
単純すぎて浅はかななだけ
最後に見送った背中が私を占める
一体どのくらい経てば解放されるの
「君に愛される程胸が苦しいの
ねぇ私は君の事もう・・・」
あの時の私に出来た事って言えば
そうして精一杯愛に背を向ける事
最後に見送った背中が私を占める
一体どのくらい経てば解放されるの
Liar - Ayumi
amari ni hiseisan na hibi wo sugoshite
kokkei na kankaku dake ni tousui suru
hajimete no KISU toka iron na kinenbi toka
dokusen yoku ni mamirete mitari
(*) ano toki no watashi ni dekita koto tte ieba
sou shite seiippai ai ni se wo mukeru koto
shiru ni wa hayasugita no kamo shirenai
koufuku no ato ni aru osoru beki handou
fuhenteki na mono ga ichiban nante gensou
tanjun sugite asahaka na dake
(**) saigo ni miokutta senaka ga watashi wo shimeru
ittai dono kurai tateba kaihou sareru no
"kimi ni ai sareru hodo mune ga kurushii no
nee watashi wa kimi no koto wo mou..."
(*) repeat
(**) repeat
Spending my days too unproductively
I was just intoxicated with funny feelings
The first kiss, various events
Sometimes I became so possessive
(*) The only thing I could do at that time was
To really try turning my back on love
I might have known too early
The terrible rebound after happiness
"To behave generally is the best"
Such an illusion was too simple and just shallow
(**) Your back I saw off for the last time still take up my mind
How long should I wait to be released?
"The more you love me, the more my heart aches
I don't love ... any more"
(*) repeat
(**) repeat
Saturday, June 11, 2005
My untitled thoughts, continued2 ~ thoughts defined.
Warning: text below contains english grammar errors and various faults. And also, text suggests that it may contains influenciable elements. Read at your own risk.
Last time I've been saying there is no border between good and evil, because you set the border and how majority see whether which is the line of both sides. You must somehow, see through this meaning or more appropriately, truth.
Good = Bad? Wrong? o.O||| Somehow you can't see the relationship of these all. So we should use a more simpler way to explain this. You see, some people always like to make things complicated so that, maybe, wants to impress others, or like last time I said: people doing things to fulfill their objectives, and people searching for meathods to accomplish them, either in easy or hard way. So people always want to let people see their results, their accomplishments, they wanted to show off. Erm... I'm a bit out of topic now. Back to the question: Good equals bad? In scientific explanation, everything including us is made up of particles, which is simple element. Well, you can't say everything is bad because they may have their use, maybe for us. And perhaps, you say it is bad because it's bad to something or to you. You just can't see through everything, because everything is just like an variable, just like the computer programming, everything have the ability to affect the outcome or affect other probability of the outcome. It's simple, just imagine the ripple of the water. From the programming's view, you change one variable may affect the variables surrounded it, or which related to it. So the conclusion is: Good = Bad. But be warned, don't simply tell anyone that the killer or robber are good because I said so and that's the entirely wrong thinking you have there.
Erm... And also I suggest another example here. Actually this is just a story. Ahem... I'm not old grandfather story teller so don't be like stereotype... I like story very much because they gave me all the inspirations and examples and also moral values I might learn. I think I've read almost 500 stories until now. But I'm not sure though because there are so many magazines and stories are included in it. Talking about the story is about a guy who has a girl friend. He's very good, talented and has good manner. I mean he's good in everyone's dictionary. Although he's good, but to be with him is entirely different thing. Maybe he's too good until he have no exact personality, no extreme thinking and not really sure how to express himself. Everytime his girl friend called him to go out he always agreed and he has no temper at all. But his girl friend at last chose to left him. Why? Because he's way too good. I mean he have no temper and make him seemed to be not normal and his girl friend is more pleased if he can express himself in 'normal' way.
Well, I guess I'll stop here and continued next time, by Morph.
and to be continued...
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