A Letter to Myself...

Dear myself:

Hi, how're you? Still pretending to be busy everyday? Pretending that you're unique or smart everyday? Hehe, that's your style anyway. How's life in Melacca? I think you've get use to it since you've been here for almost 2 years. But I believe that Melacca is much more fun than Cyberjaya there which is way too 'high standard'.

19 and a half years... It's tough you know, yea, it's hard. Remember that when you're small you tend to cry, crying in house, crying at the school and everywhere. I know you always scared to be blamed by your parents since your parents care about you the most since you were small. They always cares about your everything everyday. That's why you're dull since you're small, you are lack of socialize and not really independant and reliable at all. Now I can see you're always haunted by your past, hiding your own secrets, escaping your nightmare... and you can hardly have a real and true friend, who can talk about everything... except me.

Then since you were in secondary, you changed so much until I could hardly recognise you. First of all, you grow up a lot. Remember that when you were in primary, you always stayed at the third one of the row as you were the third shortest. (if I'm not forgotten) Now you grow higher and higher. People always said you're good looking but I don't think so. Because you're so dull and lame. And you don't really know how to express yourself everytime people are joking or complement something. Is it that you're fake to yourself? And to me? Yea, you really grow up since secondary when you joined PBSM the big family. Of course you always made mistakes everytime and everywhere. I'm watching you all the time when you start to learn communication and socialize with people. Other people had already know how to handle every kind of situation while you just start at ABC... isn't that pathetic? However, you always move forward in your life to make every advancement of your skill and ability. That made you stronger and braver. I was always helping you by your side, you know? I always support you.

And yea, of course I wanted to help you, but you always act childish. Was it acting? Or you were faking your personality of your own? I know you very well. You also wanted to help others, but you scare you'll be hurt by others? People alway said that if you learn to love others and others will love you. But isn't that contradicting? Or you've closed your heart towards everything? Closed your true self?

I know you have a good ambition and dream. I'm the same too. But to achieve something you have to sacrifice something. Like the chinese saying: If you want something, you have to put away another thing. It's almost the same also that if you wanted to own a lot of money, maybe your personality will change, you'll be more realistic, you throw away your personality. I don't really want you to become like that, to become a cold-blooded and materialistic guy. But I believe, that you won't become like that, since you have a strong stand for yourself, a strong concept developed since secondary, and ambitious.

But there is something I don't like about you also, that's your view about something. You're pragmatic. You're too straight forward about anything until you've forgot something more important -- friendship and maintaining relationships. See you've lost the links of your hometown friends. You've totally forgotten them, but don't forget about me. 'Cause I'm your utmost precious property you owned.

And sometime also, it's hard to comprehend you, your feeling and your thinking. What are you thinking? Why are you thinking so hard about everything? Maybe you need a rest or vacation or something. I know you're acting confident but actually there are many question marks in your thinking about certainties.

You maybe helpless, but you still have me on your side... Remember me always... Dont' force yourself too much and take care. Hope you'll be getting physically strong... as well as mentally also.

Happy Valentine's Day.

By Morph/TY
Current Song: Longer in Love [ Busted ]